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Football Fridaze

Its amazing how something that is seemingly unimportant like a soccer game can be the motivation for a whole week. For those wondering about what I am talking about it’s the Friday morning game of soccer that we play.

For once in the week you do not have to drag yourself out of bed and you actually get up much before the alarm goes off and lie awake waiting for it to ring so that you can get on with it. You wear your jersey, shorts, stocking and studs and make off for the venue. Meet everyone outside at the gate, share a few jokes, catch up on what happened during the week, the conditions in Dubai, the sports scene worldwide, comment on the latecomers, and make our way to the pitch. The warm up is slow and deliberate and while that is happening two of the regulars will pick teams. There is a usual argument on which team will wear the bibs and the game begins.

Its fast, its fun, its serious, its relaxed and all of it rolled into one. Started by a few of which only a handful remain its moved on from the 5 on 5’s to become a full fledged 11 a side game. The quality of players is excellent with most having played soccer at some level, including the national level and the ethnic mix really makes the game very diverse in terms of style. Some are really brilliant at the game, some lazy and most above average. I used to be one of the youngest till very recently and trust me I am not too young but the energy of those who are beyond their prime is simply wow. I’d give anything to have that speed at stamina at that age.

Its just 2 – 3 hours of a game but it really charges you up and gears you for the next week to come with all its challenges and headaches.

India Wins [I predict]

I say we beat the Lankans by 5 wickets or less. If I lose I am willing to do a penalty

Office Howlers

I must rent out that movie - Junk Food Country. [He meant Fast Food Nation]

Mangalore Mischief

I was reading the news online on the attack on the pub in Mangalore. “We are custodians of the Indian culture” says the founder of the organization. Of course you are. Can some armed forces people please take notice of this and recruit these people into the army, navy or air force. We have finally found some patriots who are wiling to do something for this country. And if they are so vehemently against the outside attack on the culture I am sure they will be even more brutal on those who attack our soil.

So India finally finds some youth who are willing to fight for its motherland. Why is there such a big hue and cry I don’t understand? What they did was right. I mean let’s face it, drinking, listening to music and dancing is not a part of the Indian culture. Have you ever heard of Indians ever doing this? Do you think any of the members of this band had ever done any such thing in their life? No ways.

And how dare these girls go to a pub? All women who go there are prostitutes and whores. Didn’t they know this? They must all be beaten up, molested and ridiculed, only then will they learn a lesson.

How long? How long are we going to tolerate this bullshit? What the f***? All like minded people should just get together and form a band and go and break the bones of these people who dare to go and touch their daughters and sisters. Gone are the days on non violence. Lets just bring it on. Take the fight to their camp. Fight it on their turf. Find fault with every single thing they do. Bring religion into it too. Use their own standards against them. Punish them for celebrating birthdays because it is a western concept. Beat the crap outta anyone of them who wears jeans, burn the tongues of those of them who even utter a word of English. Spare none of them. Think of any such thing that can be used against them and use is because they will do the same.

Make no mistake; this is the war on terror. They are terrorizing us with all this culture and religion bullshit.

Wake up Mangalore. Wake up. This is the time to fight back.

Paul Punches

Perri and me were sharing Knock Knock jokes. I came up with a new one.
M = me, P - = Perri

M: KNOCK KNOCK
P - Who's there?
M: MARK
P - Mark Who?
M: [I spat on her and said] Mark Spitz!

for those of you who did not get it Mark Spitz was an American swimmer who won 7 golds at the Munich Olympics.

So Perri decided to get back at me

P - KNOCK KNOCK
M: Who's there?
P - PAUL
M: Paul Who?
P - [she started punching me and said] Paul Punches
M: Who the hell is Paul Punches?
P - I don't know. It was just like your Mark Spitz.
M: Hello! Mark Spitz is a real person.
P - Oops! [with a very embarrassed face]

TASHU LEFT

Tashu left this morning. We dropped her to the airport and stayed with her till she went to passport control. Hate the damn feeling that creeps up. She did everything to make the parting funny, asking for kisses on either cheek, not remembering where the passport was, and laughing her fake laugh. I wish we didnt know each other so well beacuse Vee and me saw through it immediately.

Vee and me had a quiet walk back, no words exchanged [which is very unusual] and we didnt even walk together. One of us was always in front of the other. We did not want the other to see that we were hurting. Then he dropped me back to work and the drive was quiet too. I guess we both need our time to come to terms with her leaving. The room is deserted and there is no high pitch voice calling you. Its depressing going home. More for Vee than me. I guess this weekend will be the worst for him.

The 3 of us formed a "pair". And a good one too. The past four years have been so much fun. We always team up. Its either Vee and me or Tashu and me vs the other. They had this beauty and the beast pillow covers [No guesses for who bought that] and trust me it was like that at home. Vee with his temper and Tashu with her tantrums took turns at being the beast. But for majority of the time both were beauties. I depend on both so much, its difficult to not have them together with me. Even if I dont see them everyday its important just to know that they are there.

Jan 21st 2009 - Tashu flew away.

Winter is Thanda [Cold]

Winter this season is not as cold as it usually is in Dubai and yet it is such a pleasant time to be in. But everything else seems to be really cold or 'thanda' as we call it in India. The Shopping Fest is thanda, the sales are thanda, the decor is thanda, the fanfare is thanda, global village is thanda, the festivities are thanda.

The sales staff are thanda in their attitude towards us, [they assume we come to kill time and like everyone else we not going to buy either] and the warmth that made this city hospitable seems to have disappeared overnight.

I think its time for Coke to change their tagline. Thanda matlab Coca Cola is no longer a "cool" slogan.

Recession Realities

Not so long go at the grand opening of Atlantis over 4000 lobsters were served and there were major fireworks that illuminated the Dubai sky. Today over 4000 cars have been found abandoned near or at the airport and incomplete projects all over the place cast a shadow over the Dubai skyline.

Bosses were called ‘men with perks’ and today they are just ‘jerks’ who seem to be laying off people before you can even say ‘the bubble burst’. Doctors are doing great business, pharmaceutical companies are working in overdrive and the sale of chocolates has gone up manifold. This augments the theory that recession makes people fatter. But that’s just one thing that moving upward. You can add rent to that list and bill collectors too. Concurrently there are hordes of factors going the other way.

Hair lines are receding, budgets get smaller, sponsors disappear, manners and etiquette’s vanish, competitors shrink and increments seem like extinct creatures that were wiped off the face of the earth. Financial markets have plummeted, advertising budgets became skeletal, training has nose dived and not yet surfaced, benefits have been retracted and the doors to people hearts seem to have closed.

And yet Dubai stands tall. If you have any doubts go to the terrace of your building or villa and you will see the Burj still standing.

Two Guys, A Girl and A Rented Space

The Space we called Home

We had four good years as friends,

I envision us as we used to be,

Young, lively, energetic and naïve,

And now where we are I see.

Strange how we turned out,
Three friends in that space,
God looked down and smiled at us,

And blessed us with his grace.

My tears are not of loss or sorrow,
Its for of time so quickly gone,
Like times you’d say, “I never ask for anything,

From the day I was born.”

I savor odd, funny, sweet moments,
When you chuckle or when you smile,
Like a mother hen you pecked at me all day,

And you were with me all the while.

Looking back from somewhere,
You will realize you not alone,

You still have us two with you,

Long after you leave what we call - Home!

TASHU - Down Memory Lane 2

• Four years of Friendship
• Memories of a lifetime
• Sweetest Girl in Dubai
• Most Idiotic Girl I have known

TASHU - Down Memory Lane

Tashu's stay with us at home

Pranaam Chacha [Greetings Uncle]

This story is from the days of yonder.

Nandu, one of my closest friends was moving house. As usual I was called to do the ghada majdoori for her. Her uncle was in charge of a warehouse so he offered to keep her furniture till she returned and moved into the new place. Now she has not met this uncle too many times. Maybe just three or four times. So he isn’t that close to him as one should be with an uncle.

So she comes back a month later and we have located a house and its time to move in there. We are waiting at the house and her uncle calls to say that he has arrived and is coming up with the furniture. So our lady here waits near the door and as soon as the man enters in she falls at his feet and says, “Pranaam chacha.” I was a little surprised because this guy looked different from the guy I saw last as her uncle. Anyways he had this surprised look on his face, was taken aback almost and he walks in with some of the stuff and after him comes in the uncle who I knew as her uncle and she falls at his feet too with the whole ‘Pranaam chacha’ bit.

Three more people come in and help dump all of the furniture in the house and we offer them some tea and biscuits. After the whole thing got done we walked her uncle down and thanked him. As soon as he left I burst out laughing and Nandu was red as a cherry. The first guy who walked in was one of the helpers who works for her uncle and there she was falling at his feet calling him ‘Chacha’. And he uncle also must have laughed on his way home.

Nandu you always stick those pretty feet of yours into your mouth. Life around you is so interesting.

[Man U] 3 - [Chelsea] 0

Q: What happens when an Unstoppable Force meets an Immovable Object.
A: The Unstoppable Force Stops

Man U has a great home record and Chelsea are amazing away. But they were no match for what Alex Ferguson threw their way. I know my team prediction went wrong and Man U scored 2 goals more than I expected but the result was spot on. Man U just had one trick too many up their sleeve for the Blues. The corner, off which Ronaldo scored and the goal was disallowed was simply brilliant as was the set up by Vidic that helped Berbatov score.

I say these guys take the title this year too with the kind of football they playing. I just hope playing in so many tournaments does not rob them of key players through injuries or suspensions.

Man U vs Chelsea Prediction

I predict a 1-0 in favor of Man U. At home they are a super team.

I am hoping to see a pairing of Tevez and Berbatov upfront; Rooney, Carrick, Ronaldo; Fletcher; Evra, Rio, Vidiv, Rafael;Van;

I am doing really badly in the Fantasy soccer these last two weeks. Lets hope this week is different.

Rear Entrance

Our office has two entrances. The main entrance and one at the rear that is basically the fire exit. Some guys use that entrance as it’s less crowded in the morning hours. Now the catch is that you cannot open it from the outside so you need an ally inside to let you in. One of my colleagues calls the receptionist and tells her

“Please open from the backside, I want to come inside.”

Surprise Surprise Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Jones celebrated her birthday in shock yesterday.

HISTORY

She was in India for her sisters wedding and told Carter that she will be back on 6^th Jan, the day after her birthday and would surprise him by coming on the 5^th. Carter heard of the plans somehow and he made plans of his own to surprise her.

PRELUDE

We all gathered at Carters place and had a round of music, beers, colas, Christmas sweets, finger food etc etc. Boy this guy is a good host and a bloody good cook. May his tribe increase! We made fun of Mello [she didn’t know that and she too laughed at the jokes], discussed Jones rabbits who now sat as decoration on her pillows and praised Carters cooking. Tashu made plenty of demands for certain songs with the comment, “ I never ask for anything,” before each song.

THE EAGLE HAS LANDED

Peter then went to pick her up from the airport and gave us a missed call to say that they were close by. We cleared up the place as if no one had ever been there and we hid in the bedroom after we put the candle on the cake with the numericals 52 instead of 25.

DARK ROOM

Then we switched off the lights and waited. Merv was the last to enter the room and he comes in strumming the guitar in the dark and says, “This is going to be the pitch.” Lol. Lol. Lol. We had such a laugh. Poor Merv he always is so diligent about everything. Then Lynn slapped Mello in the dark. Now no one really knows what happens but my take is that Mello was thinking about Peter and she said out aloud that he is so handsome and Lynn gave her one with the hand to remind her that she and Peter were hand in hand. That did not dampen Mello’s spirits though and she went on to think out aloud that maybe we were being the ones fooled and they would yell surprise at us as they entered. Mello always is entertaining. Vee and I laughed till we cried. First Merv and then Mello.

AAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Then we heard the doorbell and we could hear voices. Then footsteps. And more voices. Finally the door opened slowly. And instead of shouting surprise Vee goes, “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.” [To our surprise Jones was dressed in a hot sweater and all. I guess that was going to be a surprise for Carter later that night that she had planned.] Jones looked shocked, saw my face, yelped, “AAAAGGHHHHHHHHHH,” and ran back to Carter cos she was so scared. She finally recovered and starting pounding Peter. Smack, Dishh, Sock, Crunch, Biff, Dishum.

Then we cut the cake, sang Happy Bday and had a good time.

Christmas Tales 08 - U Called Me?

As we were playing various games this Christmas I noticed a few things peculiar to my family. It’s got to do with how the women address their hubbies

• My Grandma called my granddad DADDY [they were married for 49 years. Though I wonder what she called him before the kids came along]
• My Aunt calls my uncle HEARD OR WHAT [they been married 29 years]
• My Sister calls her hubby ACCHA
• My sister in law calls my brother ANGEL [in all honesty, he does behave like one]
• My Girlfriends never CALL ME [that’s why my phone bills are so high]

Tea Totaller

I once met a friend for lunch. We had just met each other a few times before and were still in the process of getting to know each other. While discussing ourselves I mentioned to her that I was a teetotaler. To which she replied, “Really? Even I love my teas. I am a total tea person.” I listened to her for about 5 minutes and then I told her that a teetotaler is actually a person who does not drink or smoke. She had a very sheepish smile on her face and was embarrassed for the next five minutes.

I always manage to find friends who brighten up my days.

Christmas Tales 08 - Biblical Frauds

To keep the games relevant to all, this time I included a Bible quiz. Given the number of religious extremists we have in the family I was expecting a 20/20 for all three teams. Its then when I realized how competitive we are as a family and as individuals. People were even cheating on a Bible Quiz. I mean come on, do you have to cheat on a bible quiz. Does that not just defeat the whole purpose of it? Tsk, tsk.

Anyways surprisingly the one question that stumped most was

How many wise men does the Bible say came to visit Jesus?

The correct answer to that question is It doesn't say, there is no indication of how many wise men visited Jesus, except that there were at least two because the word 'magi' is plural.

I would have gotten bashed up if I was doing this alone but since Fr. Joe was there to refute all other claims I could stand my ground. Otherwise I would have been the Late Melwyn Abraham today. :-)

Christmas Tales 08 - Joana Gets Slushed

Nish and Meryl point to the slush on Joana

We headed to Alibaug for a family picnic this Christmas. Beach football was the call of the hour and that’s what we played. Boys, girls, uncles, aunts and priests alike. It was a mixed team and the game was competitive. To ensure that the girls get a kick in as well we had a small 3 on 3 game for girls only with Ed, Meryl and Nish on one side and Ayeshu, Joana and Alia aunty on the other. The game went on smoothly and we boys stood at the sidelines and laughed our asses off.


Both sides were equally good [or bad – whatever you might call it] and it was a keenly fought tussle literally. More misses taking a kick at the ball than strikes but considering it was their first games they all did very well. So in the midfield battle 5 of them trying to imprison the ball between themselves and Ed manages to steer the ball clear and Joana goes chasing and Ed sticks out her leg. Now one would expect a girl to play fair usually but these Goan born and brought up women play their football just like the men. Joana with all her might and mass walked straight into the trap and went head first towards the sand and midair balanced herself in such a way that her centre of gravity was her bottom and that’s how she landed. Because the sand was damp she slid a bit and while all of us outside were worried she could not stop laughing as were the other girls.


So like all war heroes who have a scar to show for the battles they have fought she has clothes to show for the soccer she played.

Christmas Tales 08 - I Like To Move It.

Cassie is the youngest gal of the family. Rolly polly and cute she has just gotten hooked onto Madagascar. More specifically I like to move it, move it… so Boban uncle narrated this incident where they were invited to a Ganpati celebration to someone’s house and all of them went along. They started singing the hymn – ‘jai jaive’ and kept rhythm with those small cymbals that you clang together. Cassie walks up to the host and says, “ I know, I know” and he promptly gives her the cymbals and is waiting for her to recite the hymn and she goes, “ I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it, you like to move it”… in tune with the hymn.

You can imagine the look on the host’s face and my uncles as well.