Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Slung

When I watched the movie “Unbreakable” I felt bad for Samuel L Jackson. I wondered if there was anyone out there who was that injury prone. And then I met Vee. Four days of soccer and four different injuries! His left shoulder has a ligament tear, his right arm is in a sling, his left ankle is weak and keeps getting twisted all the time and his right one cant bear the pressure of the left one being so dysfunctional.


But on the brighter side, once he is back from his right arm injury maybe he will have a sling arm action to help his bowling and will be as effective as Malinga. Am looking forward to that.


Get Well Soon Vee.



PS: I need a ride to Football Fridaze.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Goan Shatabdi Express





On Thursday I met Shamona – The Goan Shatabdi Express.

Vee got her home as they were going for a barbecue. The conversation or monologue went something like this.

Shatabdi Express: Hey you went skydiving na? How was it?

Me: [before I can even open my mouth the next question was through]

Shatabdi Express: It must have been awesome na? Sharon was also there with you na? She must have loved it. Did you know she had an accident?

Me: [I was wondering if I should even try to stop this train.]

Shatabdi Express: It was at the Gulf News Fun Drive. I am surprised that Vee also did not know about it. Oh did you know that Vee is also going sky diving next month?

Me: [I simply smiled]

Vee: Arrey let him answer na. You only are answering all the questions you asked.

I just went back to my room and laughed and laughed. If I ever were to look for a partner during college fests for “Jam” or Nonstop Nonsense” it would defiantly be her. Her and me together no one can beat us. [Actually I wonder if I will even get a chance to speak.]

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Russian Roulette knocks out Oh Bammer

E Dementieva (RUS) vs S Bammer (AUT)
Dubai Open

Elena is a year younger to me, taller than me, is right handed and most importantly she is single [Unless I have not been updated]. She has long, slender, tanned and well toned legs that seem never ending.

Sybille is about the same age and a mum of a seven year old [she doesn’t look like one] and probably one of the only mums around is fit as a fiddle.

No prizes for guessing who I was looking at and yet I did pay attention to the match and surprised myself. Max who is a yoga instructor and into body building gave us a logical explanation on why Elena’s legs were one of the greatest ones around because of the tone and stuff. That gave me all the more reason to stare at them. The match ended in a straight sets victory to Elena but not before both the women displayed some skills to keep us entertained.

Max who was supposed to leave at 10 waited till 10.30 because he wanted to know what Elena sounded like when she spoke and our friend Duane who was covering the event was invited to the players after party and that left us abusing him and envying him for the fun he has at work. Imagine having a job where you have to watch these women play, interview them, photograph them and then attend parties with them. And why on earth do married guys get such jobs when there are single, handsome and charming blokes like me out there.

At times I feel there is no justice in the world.

ERR vs. WILL


To err is human; to forgive Serena has not yet learnt.


I went to the Dubai Open to watch Serena Williams play Sara Errani. Errani true to her name erred and Serena true to her name was a picture of calmness. Serena dropped her first two serves and I was just wondering if the camera adds to the speed of the shots because it did not seem like there was too much power in them. But I realized how wrong I was when she turned it on. The serves were going at 191km/hr and the force with which she hit her forehands made me glad that I was not her opponent and just a spectator. Among the five of us attending, only Salim has played some serious tennis while I have taken a few lessons [15 min] from Willy, which pretty much amounts to winning a point on a double fault from the opponent.


My form as compared to Serena is so bad that she will beat me at love. [Damn I always wanted to win at love]. She has some muscles I must say. There are so well defined that it gives me a complex as a guy because I know that it will take me ages to get that kind of cuts on my bicep. She took the match easily even though she dropped the first set and it was good to see that there was support for both the players. While everyone was going – “come on Serena” or “come on Sara”, I decided to be patriotic and cheered, “come on Sania,” to which I received some stares and a few laughs from the people in the front.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Reasons Men Love Football Fridaze



• Everyone has a chance to “score” on a Friday morning [I scored twice last week]

• You get a chance to play with full sized balls

• You can juggle them and others will not have a problem sharing with you

• For the guys on the other side of the fence – you get a chance to get physical with 21 other guys

• You can whack a guy on the butt after he scores and it wont be considered gay

• You get to be the boss of you for a change [we all know who is the boss at home]

• You can yell, "put it in, put it in!" and that too in public and no one will raise an eyebrow. [this actually happened]

• You can shout "Fall back. We need MEN! and get away with that too. [this actually happened too]

Sunday, February 15, 2009

‘SEE THERE’ – A Tale of Snorkeling & Dolphins




Yesterday, we all headed to Musandam, Oman for a cruise to make good use of the beautiful weather. It’s a three hour long drive and Willy took the onus upon himself to drive us there and bring us back. We drove through Ras Al Khaimah, which is one of the 7 emirates that forms UAE. It’s more like a village as compared to Dubai, Abu Dhabi and Sharjah and you will not see the tall sky scrapers and the big city razzmatazz. . It’s got a sober setting and the mountains and sand add to its rugged look.


WHAT IS IN A NAME?


We stopped at the border and had to get our passports stamped. In the process many of us got rebaptized. Perrin became Berrin, Ayesha became Asian, Melony became Bello, and Sharon [pronounced Shaa Rin] became Sharon [Che Ron]. The guy at the counter called Sharon and told her “it’s a dangerous name to keep in this part of the world.” And she did not get it at first but it dawned upon her soon and she said, “Yeah! The Palestine guy na.” Willy and I burst out laughing because she could have almost been shot and have us shot too for making such a faux pas.


The drive from the Oman border to our destination was real wow. Beaches on one side, and the hills on the other. It’s a winding road, about 45 kms or so and took us about 40 min and we enjoyed the view. We then headed straight for the cruise and rented out our snorkeling equipment.


DOLPHINS – SEE THERE


As part of the whole cruise thingy we went to this spot where apparently you get to see dolphins in the sea. Now everyone on the boat was really excited to see dolphins in their natural habitat. There was a group of French nationals on board with us [three whole generations] and they seemed as excited as us about the whole deal. Now I was one of the first people to spot a duo of them and then the whole spot the dolphin contest began. Everyone was moving back and forth, side to side to spot them and they did not disappoint us. They [13 I counted] kept surfacing from time to time and one of them swam along the boat underwater for a good 10 seconds or so. [Willy managed to get the whole thing on camera]


I was really enjoying the whole chase and there was a lull in between so I decided to keep the crowd engrossed. “See there!” I shouted and pointed to the right everyone who was on the left side of the boat ran over and came to the right and was focusing on the direction I was pointing at. After about 20 seconds during which nothing seemed to be moving Perrin finally realized that I was pulling a fast one on them and she and Mello beat me up. I laughed for about 15 minutes or so just thinking about the prank I had pulled off. I guess even the French nationals aboard saw the funny side of it and I got a few friendly smiles the next time I ventured that side of the boat. I did the whole ‘see there’ routine about 5 more times during the entire trip and I always found takers for the same.



HOLLYWOOD VS BOLLYWOOD


Mello and I had a talk about movies that could be shot at this location with the hills around and being totally uninhabited with just a couple of trees on every hill. I was thinking on the lines of Lord of the Rings and I was happy that she was sharing similar thoughts till she said, “we can shoot one song sequence in different clothes in every different location.” Women! I tell you. Why is it always about clothes and looking good? I thought that Frodo and Sam could have been entering Mordor from here and she was thinking of Sridevi in a sari and Jeetendra in white trousers dancing with thousands of pots. She always makes me laugh.


SNORKELING


Now the image I had in my mind about this was totally different. I assumed we would be dropped at a beach and we would walk in and wear our equipment and then put our heads beneath and watch the fish. We anchored about 10 meters away from the land and then everyone had to jump in do the whole snorkeling thingy. Well I did not know how to swim so I sat in the boat with Melo and watched all my friends do it [snorkeling, I know what you were thinking] while I took snaps of them enjoying themselves. Perri was the bravest and she went in without a life jacket. Willy and Ayeshu actually did the most snorkeling and Carter went in with a life jacket and was floating about in the water. Carter started drifting with the current and he managed a few backstrokes to reach the boat again. [You had us worried there Carter]. I threw pieces of banana and khubus to the fishes and watched them fight over it. Why get into the water when you can see the fish from the boat?


About two hours later we reached another spot and this time I made up my mind to get into the water. So on came my life jacket and soon I was off the boat and in the sea. Perri being such a sweetheart decided to give me company given my fear of water and I stayed close to the boat at all times and she did her best to take me a few feet away but I stayed within the 6 feet radius. The water was a bit cold and twice my head did go below the water but I did not see any fish. No mermaids as well though the old French lady did give me her hand to help me overcome my fear of being away from the boat which I politely declined. If I am going down I’d rather it be a young French lady. Jones joined us pretty soon and the remaining on deck had a good time at my expense clicking away like the paparazzi, savoring every moment of my discomfort. If that was not enough the guide on our boat was telling people on the other boats about my fear and they too came to enjoy my plight. [I am sure the others on the boat must have been shouting – see there, at me.]


The next time I head for such a trip I shall have mastered the art of swimming I have decided.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Advertising - My Take on it

Another one of my 'genius' creations on advertising.
*this one has got a bit of an optical illusion

PS: you have to turn it upside down to get it.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Add to my Brain

Yesterday I happened to spend the evening at my couz Willy's place and it’s such a refreshing experience. The boy is an encyclopedia of knowledge. My very own Wikipedia. While my sis in law took care of my gourmet habits, Willy was busy adding to my restricted yet spongy mind. He can talk about any topic under the sun with such ease and he always adds to a discussion. Few more sessions like these and I shall be in another league altogether.


He also happens to be my favorite poet [but I shall elaborate on that later]


We talk about everything that we have in common and he then introduces me to some new aspects of life. I love our long talks and I remember the times when we were growing up when we used to spend hours on the phone talking to each other about football, school and family. I was so thrilled that he came to Dubai. Its always good to have family around especially the intelligent and hospitable types. J


Sunday, February 8, 2009

Movie Review: American History X + Fracture



American History X

The movie is simply brilliant. Ed Norton is one of the best actors Hollywood has ever seen. I do not want to give away the premise, so let me just talk about the movie. The direction is super, the editing tight, the acting good. I really love the way the shots have been planned and executed. You empathize with the characters and you watch the movie with a feeling of something is going to happen now every 10 minutes or so. The use of shadows in the movie is excellent and the whole feel and the tone of the movie was very much in line with what was being conveyed. There was synergy in everything.

Rating: must see, must buy.


Fracture

The premise is great. A man murders his wife and then confesses and then tries to wiggle his way out of the situation. I figured out the plot pretty early so I did not have much to guess throughout the movie and I was wondering why the characters were not guessing the same, but it still keeps you engrossed. [I usually am good with guessing these things so not necessary that you may guess it as well] Anthony Hopkins is bang on target with his portrayal of the murderer and yet he seems so slick that you alternate between wanting him to get away with the murder and wanting justice to reign as well. The look of the movie is very rich, like the character and overall is a pretty good watch.

Rating: worth having in your collection

Sky Dive

I don’t know what the big fuss is all about. Sky diving ain’t that scary. [That’s only if you have pretty lass, whom you are attched to and who is going to pull open the parachute]


Prelude


So we reached there at 11 am, after a long car journey with me giving directions we reached the place safe and sound and without getting lost. As soon as we stepped out of the car we looked up and saw four people jump off the plane and their parachutes open to get them safely on the ground. Ok. That did look a little frightening. So we made our way in took our forms and began filling them. After signing in over a hundred places and getting Sue and Carter to witness for me, Jones and Ashfana, we handed over the forms. I didn’t get the part why we had to sign the paragraph that said the laws of the state of Florida apply for something.


So in we went and got our names written down for the jumps. Ash and Jones were doing it together [the jump I mean] and I was going solo. Now the thing with Tandem jumps is that you are attached to an instructor who then gives you the instructions and stuff and they have the parachute attached to their back and they do all the pulling and stuff. Now with a novice it could just be that you get nervous or panic and not find the cord to pull.


Yours Truly


So I got myself strapped in, and I was just praying that I get one of the female instructors. [now its not because I am desperate or anything but the idea of a guy strapped to my back with his pelvis attached to my posterior is not exactly comforting] so when Jason [instructor] did come to take a few audio and visual bytes he asked me if I had anything to say and I said, “Yeah, who am I going with” and he pointed to Di [female instructor] and assured me I was in good hands. Well she had just strapped me in so I knew exactly how good those hands were cos I could hardly walk freely after that.


So Di gave me the instructions. Hands to be put across my chest in a V, legs bent backward and we rock forward, backward and the off. So we sat in the plane, huddled up. At about 9000 feet she strapped me to herself and I guess it was a bit early cos I had to sit on her lap after she strapped me in and she told me that it went numb in a while. The plane door opens, and Jason steps out hanging at the edges while I inch my way closer to the fall. Sit at the edge, with my legs out and the wind is so strong that my left leg does not touch the floor of the plane and backward, forward, backward and we off. [The view below is breath taking]


We hurtling towards earth at 200 km/hour and I can feel the skin on my face thrash about. A series of thoughts go through my mind. For one I suddenly feel a lack of control over my life. [Imagine people who fall from buildings. This is what they must be going through] Di taps me on the shoulder and that was the cue that I was supposed to spread my arms open, but being so lost in thoughts I didn’t open them and she had to tap me again and remind me and Jason was there right next to us filming the whole thing. Then Jason held my hand we did a spin thingy. And then he said bye as he fell further below and Di opened up the chute that kind of gives you a jerk and breaks the velocity of the fall. Then she loosened the harness and I was much freer and I was taking in the view below. The sea, the color of the water, the horizon, the vegetation in the middle of the sea, the desert, the flying club and the small grass patch that we were supposed to land on. Di asked me if I wanted to handle the chute but I was enjoying the view so much that I did not want any distractions to be looking upward and managing that. I denied her twice and if she had asked me once more I am sure I would have heard the cock crow thrice.


I did make some polite conversation with her, and she happens to be from Florida and I asked her about the mention of Florida in the forms we signed and she explained the reason of that clause being there. Then she gave me instruction on how to land and I had to keep my legs bent while she would land and once she balanced herself I had to get my legs down and stand. We did that and I was back on earth again. The adrenaline was still pumping, though my hearing was a little warped at that moment.


That was simply WOW.


Jones and Ash


Earlier in the day the two girls got ready first, did their make up, took photographs, posed, talked about being nervous and then went to wear their harness. It took a while for both of them to come out. Jones was being filmed by Jason and she went about moving from side to side as she spoke about how excited she is. They then headed towards the plane which is a tiny little thing which can accommodate about eight people sitting on the floor. Off they went and it took a good twenty minutes before they reached the altitude and then we saw them jump. In the meantime Sue and I talked about sleeping alone at home, how anatomically correct the flying suits of the Omani team were [bad girl Sue. Why do you even look there?] and we waited to the girls to jump off.


Now there were four parachutes that opened up. Two were the camera crew and two were the girls. I figured out which was Jones and which was Ash. There were screaming sounds and that had to be Jones. And then we saw both of them coming close to earth as apart as chalk and cheese. Jones was waving frantically and screaming while Ash was focused on the landing patch. So Ash did land first and then Jones came in and she managed her landing well too. There was a look of joy on both their faces and it was evident that it was an experience to cherish. Carter was busy taking snaps of everyone and I am waiting to see if he did get any funny pictures of the two girls.


My advice to everyone – try it at least once!


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

My "Will" Be Done

I have to go Sky Diving on Saturday. Now I am not sure how this goes, but just in case it goes the wrong way I think it’s wise to write down my will. Now where do I start from?

Ok. Sis, you get all my letters, mails and the white and black money [more liabilities than assets, mind you]. It is your job to distribute the money among the other siblings as you deem fit. [No one knows about my Swiss bank accounts so deal with them once things settle down.] I also leave you my three packets of Maggi since I know it’s the meal you make best till date. [I have a recipe book somewhere and if you find it, it’s yours to keep.]

Den, as the eldest boy, you get the first pick of all my houses and villas clothes, shoes, accessories, hair gels, shampoos, my three chains, hair bands etc. Also I leave my beloved bed from IKEA to you. Under the bed you will find my diary that has all my secrets on how I managed to charm so many women. My pick up lines, list of compliments, observations and the gory details of my numerous flings are engraved in that manuscript.

Ynot, considering your love for Gizmo's you get my mobile, laptop, i- pod and other appliances that I have. I also leave my Giant pencil to you which will come in handy if you have to write your will. Please note that the laptop is already running slow, so do not save any more files on this one without deleting some or saving it elsewhere.

Nel, I leave you all my board games - Taboo, Pictionary, Junior Pictionary, Scrabble, Cranium, Scotland Yard, Monopoly, and Trivial Pursuit. I know you have not played most of them and this will be of real help to you as you can always take the game and go away if you losing. It’s a ploy I used a lot.

Baby, as the youngest you will get what you always got from us - Hand me downs and leftovers. But considering the career you have chosen I leave you all my speeches, my boss speeches, my colleagues speeches, my poems, work folio, fantasy football team, fantasy cricket team, fantasy euro team, my football, my cricket bat, my tennis racquet, three hard tennis balls, my habit of playing with people ears and Nels baby photos which I flicked [he does not know they exist and he still thinks we adopted him].


Guys’, one last request. I have booked plane tickets for each of you to various locations, made hotel bookings and have sealed envelopes awaiting you at each hotel. Photos and Videos of me with several of my girlfriends, Lindsay, Paris, Scarlett, Megan, Jessica, Meg, Angelina, Cameron, Katrina and others are not in my possession and could cause harm to my reputation long after I am gone. I have made these booking so that you can go to these people and retrieve what actually belongs to me and I request you to bury them in my grave at my first death anniversary. [yes I expect you to remember it]


Love

Yours truly,


PS: In case I make it back alive this document is null and void and you can start paying me back all the money I lent you guys.

Pune's Loss, Mumbai's Gain

Den moves to Mumbai and there is a mass mourning in Pune. The boy is irreplaceable. With all of us kids away with the exception of him and Osc, the household felt quiet. And there would have been this constant worry about the parents if he had not been there. But he has managed things so smoothly at home that both houses do not feel the absence of the sons and daughter. Well in all honesty Tina will always be missed because she was the life of the family being the only girl, and Den has ensured that he is there for everyone so we are not missed as much as we would have been.

He is our very own Mr. Dependable. Sitting here in Dubai I can feel the loss of him in Pune. Its that bad. On the positive side the family Gizmo Genius and the Family King of bad jokes returns to fill in that gap. You can imagine the relief on having someone come back home. Its been a while since we all were at home together. Anyone listening?

Monday, February 2, 2009

Cricket Controversies - Neil Bloom vs Brad Haddin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBv4gq72p4M


I was watching the video of the Neil Bloom dismissal in the Australia vs. New Zealand and following the comments made by both sides. After watching it closely it is very clear that he was not out and that Haddin had got the bails to be displaced with his gloves rather than the ball dislodging them.


I thought that Haddin should have indicated to the umpires that he had gotten the bails dislodged if it was done unintentionally. First of all his hands were in front of the stumps and then he collected the ball and his gloves displaced the bails. Given the stage the match was at, that decision could have well changed the result of the game. Its very poor sportsmanship by the Aussies and I think Ponting should have reviewed this before making the statement he did against Vettori. "We'll wait and see. If [a replay] does show anything that Brad is in the clear, I'll certainly be letting Daniel know about it. It's probably worth Haddin having a chat to him as well. He's basically had a bit of a crack at Haddin's make-up."


Haddin then had the cheek to call Vettori’s comment that he was disappointed that Haddin did not make an effort to call back Neil Bloom as poor and low. I hope this is not an indication of sportsmanship of the Aussies in times to come.


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