Sky Dive

I don’t know what the big fuss is all about. Sky diving ain’t that scary. [That’s only if you have pretty lass, whom you are attched to and who is going to pull open the parachute]

Prelude

So we reached there at 11 am, after a long car journey with me giving directions we reached the place safe and sound and without getting lost. As soon as we stepped out of the car we looked up and saw four people jump off the plane and their parachutes open to get them safely on the ground. Ok. That did look a little frightening. So we made our way in took our forms and began filling them. After signing in over a hundred places and getting Sue and Carter to witness for me, Jones and Ashfana, we handed over the forms. I didn’t get the part why we had to sign the paragraph that said the laws of the state of Florida apply for something.

So in we went and got our names written down for the jumps. Ash and Jones were doing it together [the jump I mean] and I was going solo. Now the thing with Tandem jumps is that you are attached to an instructor who then gives you the instructions and stuff and they have the parachute attached to their back and they do all the pulling and stuff. Now with a novice it could just be that you get nervous or panic and not find the cord to pull.

Yours Truly

So I got myself strapped in, and I was just praying that I get one of the female instructors. [now its not because I am desperate or anything but the idea of a guy strapped to my back with his pelvis attached to my posterior is not exactly comforting] so when Jason [instructor] did come to take a few audio and visual bytes he asked me if I had anything to say and I said, “Yeah, who am I going with” and he pointed to Di [female instructor] and assured me I was in good hands. Well she had just strapped me in so I knew exactly how good those hands were cos I could hardly walk freely after that.

So Di gave me the instructions. Hands to be put across my chest in a V, legs bent backward and we rock forward, backward and the off. So we sat in the plane, huddled up. At about 9000 feet she strapped me to herself and I guess it was a bit early cos I had to sit on her lap after she strapped me in and she told me that it went numb in a while. The plane door opens, and Jason steps out hanging at the edges while I inch my way closer to the fall. Sit at the edge, with my legs out and the wind is so strong that my left leg does not touch the floor of the plane and backward, forward, backward and we off. [The view below is breath taking]

We hurtling towards earth at 200 km/hour and I can feel the skin on my face thrash about. A series of thoughts go through my mind. For one I suddenly feel a lack of control over my life. [Imagine people who fall from buildings. This is what they must be going through] Di taps me on the shoulder and that was the cue that I was supposed to spread my arms open, but being so lost in thoughts I didn’t open them and she had to tap me again and remind me and Jason was there right next to us filming the whole thing. Then Jason held my hand we did a spin thingy. And then he said bye as he fell further below and Di opened up the chute that kind of gives you a jerk and breaks the velocity of the fall. Then she loosened the harness and I was much freer and I was taking in the view below. The sea, the color of the water, the horizon, the vegetation in the middle of the sea, the desert, the flying club and the small grass patch that we were supposed to land on. Di asked me if I wanted to handle the chute but I was enjoying the view so much that I did not want any distractions to be looking upward and managing that. I denied her twice and if she had asked me once more I am sure I would have heard the cock crow thrice.

I did make some polite conversation with her, and she happens to be from Florida and I asked her about the mention of Florida in the forms we signed and she explained the reason of that clause being there. Then she gave me instruction on how to land and I had to keep my legs bent while she would land and once she balanced herself I had to get my legs down and stand. We did that and I was back on earth again. The adrenaline was still pumping, though my hearing was a little warped at that moment.

That was simply WOW.

Jones and Ash

Earlier in the day the two girls got ready first, did their make up, took photographs, posed, talked about being nervous and then went to wear their harness. It took a while for both of them to come out. Jones was being filmed by Jason and she went about moving from side to side as she spoke about how excited she is. They then headed towards the plane which is a tiny little thing which can accommodate about eight people sitting on the floor. Off they went and it took a good twenty minutes before they reached the altitude and then we saw them jump. In the meantime Sue and I talked about sleeping alone at home, how anatomically correct the flying suits of the Omani team were [bad girl Sue. Why do you even look there?] and we waited to the girls to jump off.

Now there were four parachutes that opened up. Two were the camera crew and two were the girls. I figured out which was Jones and which was Ash. There were screaming sounds and that had to be Jones. And then we saw both of them coming close to earth as apart as chalk and cheese. Jones was waving frantically and screaming while Ash was focused on the landing patch. So Ash did land first and then Jones came in and she managed her landing well too. There was a look of joy on both their faces and it was evident that it was an experience to cherish. Carter was busy taking snaps of everyone and I am waiting to see if he did get any funny pictures of the two girls.

My advice to everyone – try it at least once!

My "Will" Be Done

I have to go Sky Diving on Saturday. Now I am not sure how this goes, but just in case it goes the wrong way I think it’s wise to write down my will. Now where do I start from?

Ok. Sis, you get all my letters, mails and the white and black money [more liabilities than assets, mind you]. It is your job to distribute the money among the other siblings as you deem fit. [No one knows about my Swiss bank accounts so deal with them once things settle down.] I also leave you my three packets of Maggi since I know it’s the meal you make best till date. [I have a recipe book somewhere and if you find it, it’s yours to keep.]

Den, as the eldest boy, you get the first pick of all my houses and villas clothes, shoes, accessories, hair gels, shampoos, my three chains, hair bands etc. Also I leave my beloved bed from IKEA to you. Under the bed you will find my diary that has all my secrets on how I managed to charm so many women. My pick up lines, list of compliments, observations and the gory details of my numerous flings are engraved in that manuscript.

Ynot, considering your love for Gizmo's you get my mobile, laptop, i- pod and other appliances that I have. I also leave my Giant pencil to you which will come in handy if you have to write your will. Please note that the laptop is already running slow, so do not save any more files on this one without deleting some or saving it elsewhere.

Nel, I leave you all my board games - Taboo, Pictionary, Junior Pictionary, Scrabble, Cranium, Scotland Yard, Monopoly, and Trivial Pursuit. I know you have not played most of them and this will be of real help to you as you can always take the game and go away if you losing. It’s a ploy I used a lot.

Baby, as the youngest you will get what you always got from us - Hand me downs and leftovers. But considering the career you have chosen I leave you all my speeches, my boss speeches, my colleagues speeches, my poems, work folio, fantasy football team, fantasy cricket team, fantasy euro team, my football, my cricket bat, my tennis racquet, three hard tennis balls, my habit of playing with people ears and Nels baby photos which I flicked [he does not know they exist and he still thinks we adopted him].

Guys’, one last request. I have booked plane tickets for each of you to various locations, made hotel bookings and have sealed envelopes awaiting you at each hotel. Photos and Videos of me with several of my girlfriends, Lindsay, Paris, Scarlett, Megan, Jessica, Meg, Angelina, Cameron, Katrina and others are not in my possession and could cause harm to my reputation long after I am gone. I have made these booking so that you can go to these people and retrieve what actually belongs to me and I request you to bury them in my grave at my first death anniversary. [yes I expect you to remember it]

Love

Yours truly,

PS: In case I make it back alive this document is null and void and you can start paying me back all the money I lent you guys.