My "Will" Be Done

I have to go Sky Diving on Saturday. Now I am not sure how this goes, but just in case it goes the wrong way I think it’s wise to write down my will. Now where do I start from?

Ok. Sis, you get all my letters, mails and the white and black money [more liabilities than assets, mind you]. It is your job to distribute the money among the other siblings as you deem fit. [No one knows about my Swiss bank accounts so deal with them once things settle down.] I also leave you my three packets of Maggi since I know it’s the meal you make best till date. [I have a recipe book somewhere and if you find it, it’s yours to keep.]

Den, as the eldest boy, you get the first pick of all my houses and villas clothes, shoes, accessories, hair gels, shampoos, my three chains, hair bands etc. Also I leave my beloved bed from IKEA to you. Under the bed you will find my diary that has all my secrets on how I managed to charm so many women. My pick up lines, list of compliments, observations and the gory details of my numerous flings are engraved in that manuscript.

Ynot, considering your love for Gizmo's you get my mobile, laptop, i- pod and other appliances that I have. I also leave my Giant pencil to you which will come in handy if you have to write your will. Please note that the laptop is already running slow, so do not save any more files on this one without deleting some or saving it elsewhere.

Nel, I leave you all my board games - Taboo, Pictionary, Junior Pictionary, Scrabble, Cranium, Scotland Yard, Monopoly, and Trivial Pursuit. I know you have not played most of them and this will be of real help to you as you can always take the game and go away if you losing. It’s a ploy I used a lot.

Baby, as the youngest you will get what you always got from us - Hand me downs and leftovers. But considering the career you have chosen I leave you all my speeches, my boss speeches, my colleagues speeches, my poems, work folio, fantasy football team, fantasy cricket team, fantasy euro team, my football, my cricket bat, my tennis racquet, three hard tennis balls, my habit of playing with people ears and Nels baby photos which I flicked [he does not know they exist and he still thinks we adopted him].

Guys’, one last request. I have booked plane tickets for each of you to various locations, made hotel bookings and have sealed envelopes awaiting you at each hotel. Photos and Videos of me with several of my girlfriends, Lindsay, Paris, Scarlett, Megan, Jessica, Meg, Angelina, Cameron, Katrina and others are not in my possession and could cause harm to my reputation long after I am gone. I have made these booking so that you can go to these people and retrieve what actually belongs to me and I request you to bury them in my grave at my first death anniversary. [yes I expect you to remember it]

Love

Yours truly,

PS: In case I make it back alive this document is null and void and you can start paying me back all the money I lent you guys.