Controversy Land

Barber Blabber

I remember going to the barber as kid for my haircuts. It used to be a dreadful experience because I loved growing my hair long. I guess Amitabh Bachchan was my idol and hence the fascination for long hair. But dad used to make sure that the experience was a pleasant and used to buy me a bar of 5 star later to compensate for the ‘hair loss’. I wonder if I do return to that saloon would it be offensive to call my barber a ‘barber’. Would I be sued for calling him that? It’s ridiculous. Billu Barber was changed to Billu because barber is a derogatory word. Its there in the damn Oxford dictionary. It’s a legal term.

Now you will tell me I cannot call a plumber a plumber and a carpenter a carpenter. So are these people to be called basin stylist and wood designer respectively?


Kutte, Kaminay

This is my favorite dialogue as far as Dharmendra is concerned where he goes, “Kutte, Kaminay, Mein tera khoon pi jaunga.” [Dog, Rascal, I will drink your blood] I think anyone who imitates him will always begin with this dialogue. And its never considered bad or rude or derogatory or an expletive. In fact it’s funny when we use it. And yet after slumdog millionaire was out and became a hit people had an objection to the word “Slumdog” because it has the word ‘dog’ in it. Really? And what do you think Dharampaji was saying. Maybe the breed of dog is important as well. I guess he was talking about the nice German Sheppard’s while Danny Boyle was talking about the Mongrels.


Can’t Touch This

Delhi 6 had Divya Dutta play an untouchable and there was uproar over that saying the term they used was inappropriate. So what do you call her then? Or should be not call her at all? Maybe they should have used M.C. Hammers – ‘cant touch this’ as the theme song for her every time she was on screen, as that would probably give the hint that she is one.


Funny Guys

I recently read that Hindu activists allegedly opposed erecting a statue of comedian Charlie Chaplin as part of props on a local beach for a film in Bangalore, because the actor was a Christian. Apparently the land on which the statue was to be installed belonged to a Hindu temple and the statue would hurt Hindu sentiments. If that’s the rule then ban all SRK, Aamir Khan’s, Salman Khan’s, Saif, Irrfan and John Abraham movies as well unless of course they convert. Then again the “some” Sena [just too many of them floating around with problems to keep track of] is against conversion so that would be a problem as well. Hence we are stuck. Idiots.


Problem

The problem is that people are really jobless and have nothing to do. I guess all this talk of us never attacking another nation and being a peaceful state is getting to the people. They want to fight. They want the limelight. They want to be heard and want to be in the news. No one is giving them their 2 minutes of fame without a protest or controversy.



Solution

There is no point in media not giving the coverage because they will get more desperate and take bigger measures to ensure being in the news. I did the right thing thanks to my foresight and vision. I sent my brother to study law and he is the brightest in the family. I get all my articles, speeches, etc etc checked and verified from him before I make them public and if someone does sue he will make sure that the case goes on for at least 20 years or so.

If only these ‘jobless’ [not people without jobs but people without anything worthwhile to do] people had protested against corruption, child marriages, dowry, injustice or even joined the armed forces to take on enemies within and outside we would be living in a better place.