HERESAY

The Bachelorhood Gospel according to Melwyn

2011-11-30T12:13:00.001+04:00

The Bachelorhood Gospel according to Melwyn:

Excessive 'bonding' with one person could lead to future 'bondage'. It has happened to a few friends of mine.

The Bachelorhood Gospel according to Melwyn

2011-11-30T12:03:00.001+04:00

The Bachelorhood Gospel according to Melwyn:

A kiss on a first date can be like a spiders web. It leads to the 'undoing' of the 'fly'

ZEN - Official Review

2010-07-11T11:19:00.001+04:00

Zen Restaurant merits its status as the finest Thai/ Chinese restaurant in Dubai. From its extraordinary and authentic taste to a cozy and spacious ambiance it takes a foodie to the next level of gluttony while being inexpensive. Beautifully lit, this on the water restaurant, with a stellar view of the high rise including the Burj can be the perfect place for a date or be the place to take your entire family including those distantly related pile - ons for a meal to get into their good books.

The carte du jour ranges further than the customary Thai eatery, and it also offers a carefully crafted Indian and Chinese menu presenting sumptuous, aromatic chow flavors. If you love food and Thai food in particular, then you need to look no further. With the numerous awards it has already won at various food festivals you owe yourself a meal at this restaurant.

The restaurant does not serve the same style food to its customers, but each dish is carefully prepared keeping in mind your tastes, preferences and food fetishes. The menu is extensive, exhaustive and the names are Thai, Chinese and Indian sounding but there is Nicky to the rescue who will simplify it for you and whip up your favorite meat, fish or vegetable with your choice of color curry and all dishes are cooked to order.

The Zeus of Thai food and the Adonis of Romantic places this one has my vote for being the best restaurant I have visited food wise and ambiance wise.

STOMACH THOSE EMOTIONS

2010-07-11T10:56:00.001+04:00

Emotions probably originate in the stomach and not the heart and definitely not the brain.

- When you are nervous and anxious you feel butterflies in your stomach and not anywhere else.

- When you are feeling pain, grief or shocked you feel something in the pit of your stomach.

- When you feel betrayed there is a feeling as thought someone kicked you in the stomach.

Well yes I have made my point that the stomach is supreme [if you have seen mine in recent times you will know for sure] but this piece is not about the stomach. It’s about emotions and actions.

Why does it happen that every time you are selfless that you come across as selfish? Why does it happen that when you have to do something good for someone you have to be the bad person? Why can’t people see through your actions and know you are doing it for them?

Well it’s simple, when people don’t get what they want they feel angry, betrayed or sad. But we have to realize that people most often do not know what they want. Or they think they know what they want, but it is what they want ‘now’ and not really what they want to carry forward into the future.

Let’s take an example. Growing up was fun for my brother and me because we had an elder sister who took care of us. She was our role model. I remember being 6 years old and thinking wow, she is so tall and smart and just wow. I remember the night family prayer ended with a request every single day – “Jesus, when we grow up please make us as tall as Tina [my sister].” As always my prayers were not answered because today I stand at a mere 5’8 while my sister is a towering 5’0. Thank God for small mercies.

Yes, many a time people cannot see beyond now and what they feel now, what they want now, their life now and it all happens in now. But you cannot always give in to people’s now. Maybe sometimes but not always. And knowing when to be ready to get that feeling that someone kicked you in the stomach is knowing that you love the person so much that you are willing to be hated just to do what’s right and not right now.

Right now my stomach hurts but its nothing a little mint choco chip cannot help soothe now because perhaps in the future people will grow out of now and see that it was the love for them that made my stomach swell.

Relationships – The Uncommon Man

2010-07-11T10:44:00.002+04:00

Choices. Reactions. It’s the stuff that life is made of. Come to think of it what is life but the choices we make and our reactions to the experiences and incidents that happen to us?

I have always been a propagator of this agenda but somehow it’s pretty hard to follow 100%. There are times when I slip up and forget to be calm, react objectively and I lose the plot at times. I do my best to recover, and most often I do as well but the pain of having been ‘common’ lingers. After all who wants to be the common man?

Common reactions lead to poor relationships. Our brain is probably wired for us to react poorly to conflict and painful situations. We need to overcome that initial urge to react and be very logical in our thought to have an uncommon reaction. This uncommon or common reaction is what we call attitude. So you may have noticed that whenever we're in conflict with someone, and we want to do something to hurt the other person because we are hurting, there is still one factor that separates damaging your relationship or deepening it. It’s called attitude.

The next time you boss cheats you out of credit for a project, your friends drift away from you for whatever reasons, the delivery boy delays your meal by half an hour keeping you famished, the neighbors play the vuvuzela late at night while cheering their team at the world cup on TV, your wife nags, your children behave wild, parents are breathing down your neck, crazy drivers on the road, – remember you have a choice in the way you can react.

Journey from the Common Man to Come’on Man

Be UNCOMMON

Avatar remade in Bollywood

2010-02-04T11:16:00.003+04:00

Avatar being made in Hindi but this time its an underwater theme. Casting for the title character has being done.

Auditions for the remaining roles are being held as you read this.

Marathi Manoos

2010-02-04T11:12:00.002+04:00

Know Theory

2009-08-19T15:28:00.004+04:00

I've heard people say - "What I don't know cannot bother me"

I think that's not necessarily true. I would like to make some rearrangements to that phrase and make it more elaborate.

What we know, we know pleases/bothers us.
What we know, we don't know scares us.
What we don't know, we don't know does not bother us.

Brittle Bones

2009-08-19T09:21:00.004+04:00

N - We had our usual game of soccer last evening and Brittle Bone Vee again managed to fracture himself. This time it was his nose. He got tangled with another player and then fell down and managed to break his fall by falling on someone else' knee. He heard the sound of his nose break.

E - The other day he got 'Rogered' and almost had his eye smashed by ball that traveled too fast and didn't give him enough time to get out of the way.

Here is a footballer who needs an ENT specialist after a game. [The throat has been safe so far]

Vee I suggest you start wearing a helmet and playing. I finally figured what to gift you for your birthday.

Wishes to a Dear Friend

2009-08-02T12:43:00.003+04:00

Happy Birthday to one of the most beautiful and intelligent woman I have ever known.

Swan is just an Ugly Duckling

2009-07-29T08:05:00.003+04:00

We have all heard about the Ugly Ducking turning into a Swan theory. What about something that’s different from that? [I evolved from the ugly duckling to the whale if you look at my weight these days]

The Swan is nothing but an Ugly Ducking within.

We look at all the beautiful, rich, confident, successful, [not necessarily they are all one person with all these qualities] and similar adjective people and think how they must be living life without any of the insecurities that we live with. That’s totally untrue. They live with bigger insecurities and the worst part is that they probably do not even get to show it because they have to live up to a certain image.

You would think a model has a complex about her body as compared to us mere mortals, or a jock feels timid around the geek, the boss feels threatened by his understudy, or that a multiple time champion has no belief in his abilities but feels that he just got lucky on all those occasions. These people live with complexes and insecurities, and to project that they don’t they overdo the image projection part.

So you will see that they may appear extremely snobbish, or overtly aggressive, or over adjusting, or awfully rude. Some will not miss an opportunity to put you down, make fun of you all the time, ridicule your tastes and humiliate you in public. You just have to see through this and know where the insecurity lies. These people are a nuisance to others but they tend to be a torment to themselves.

Ugliness is nothing but feeling alone against smiling enemies. It’s the double whammy of misfortune to yourself and good fortune to others. So the next time you encounter one of those beautiful swans you admire, do not forget that they are nothing but the ugly duckling wearing an attractive outer layer.

Beauty my friend is only skin deep, but ugliness goes down to the very bone.

Facebook Realizations - 5 no longer

2009-07-13T09:47:00.001+04:00

I did a couple of these Facebook quiz’s on how well do you know… and the results were disastrous. The worst part is it was for my lil cousins. Just made me realized that I have not been spending enough time with them and there is so much about them I do not know. They have grown up and I still remember them as my little cousins.

Questions like how old was I when I went out on my first date and how many boyfriends did I have so far made me uneasy for some reason and that’s when I realized that my lil sisters are not 5 years old anymore. They are grown up teenagers and they are leading normal teenage lives. I didn’t know how many times they had travelled abroad and that KFC seemed more important than spending time with family.

I always thought that I probably was reasonably close to them and this has been an eye opener. I promise myself that I shall take more time out on my next trip home to spend some more time with them.

[And to think I thought their favorite childhood game was – Doctor Doctor help us…]

Updates

2009-07-13T08:44:00.000+04:00

Swamped with work, presentations, procedure manuals, costing, etc etc. looking forward to my mid week soccer game and then a fun weekend. Last weekend it was fun meeting Susie for dinner and giving her gyaan on the places to visit in Turkey when she heads there next weekend. Have fun Susie.

Football fridaze are now more fun because of a smaller group and closer friends. Its less competitive, more fun and it’s a better surface. A close ally’s birthday is coming up and she has not yet told me what she wants a birthday gift. WOMEN!

Reading Olivers Story by Erich Segal and its about this guy who loses the love of his life and walks around like a zombie etc etc. Just cannot seem to relate to the character because I am one who always bounces back strong and happier. Your happiness should always come from within you and not from out and that makes you a happier person always.

I want to take a trip with family somewhere when they approve my leave and I can get my mind of all the pending things at work.

Willy Models for Zurich

2009-07-12T18:02:00.003+04:00

Willy gets a feature in an ad for Zurich. Very proud of you bro, very proud of you.

Thampu Engaged

2009-07-01T15:08:00.003+04:00

Thampu and her fiance are now engaged [in a battle must I add?] and I am so happy. After Durga and Chom she is the first to plan to settle down and here is looking forward to some cute little mallus. [but only after the wedding i hope]

love you Thampu. Congrats

Listen Carefully Next Time

2009-07-01T14:49:00.002+04:00

This was overheard after a robbery went wrong and the one thief was caught with the safe in his hand running with his partner and the guard was behind him with his pants at his ankles.

"No, you idiot. You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

[I wasn't present but I heard this one]

Casabianca

2009-07-01T14:27:00.001+04:00

I read an evaluation of Casabianca written by one of my closest friends and she has taken a very philosophical view to the whole poem and has dissected it and related it to life. Her view as someone slightly younger to me appealed nonetheless, and she is a very talented writer. So I am not too sure if I should credit her for her views or for her writing. I credit her for the effort though, because this girl is going places.

THE POEM
Young Casabianca, a boy about thirteen years old, son of the admiral of the Orient, remained at his post (in the Battle of the Nile), after the ship had taken fire, and all the guns had been abandoned; and perished in the explosion of the vessel, when the flames had reached the powder.

TRIVIA
I recited this poem while I was grade 3 at the inter house recitation competition.

VIEW
The same poem made sense to me then in such a different way as it does now. But the one things that remains the same is that I always looked as myself as the boy in the poem. I considered myself fairly obedient and very loyal to my causes be it football or green house [that’s the name of the house, not the green house effect thingy]. Now I find myself fiercely loyal to family and yet at the same time living life on my own terms and condition however anti society or anti establishment that may seem.

The feeling of destruction is one that grips me when I do read this parody. Burning, wreck, dead, flame, booming, despair, wreathing, fragments – they all convey the carnage that took place and yet it does not seem to refer to the environment but more to what happened to that young lad and all that went through his mind as he stood atop the deck.

Depending on what you are going through in life, this poem will make sense to you within that context. If you do get the time, please do read the poem.

Susheel Returns

2009-07-01T14:03:00.000+04:00

Sush is in town and am looking forward to a good weekend with him and the other chaps. Jokes, pulling each others legs, office humor, bitching [yes we do that too], taking a dig at wives and the works make up for a day to look forward to. Add to that, the fact that I shall probably have two gorgeous women as my dates for the day ist likely to be a day to remember.

I better remember to take my cam along.[Its for the women not for myself.]

RELATIONSHIPS

2009-06-23T10:27:00.002+04:00

You can’t do without them, that is for sure. It exists. If you do want to maintain it then that also is your relationship. They never remain constant. They constantly evolve. But there is one factor that affects all relationships and that is attitude. It is your attitude that will help make or break your relationship. Good times happen because of the stance you take to a particular situation. And during the bad times, your approach decides on whether you drift apart or some closer.

Death for example can take people apart or get them closer. I remember the death of my grandma brought the whole family closer with my sister donning the mantle that ma granny once held. It could have gone wither way. She could have fallen apart and all of us would have also, but the attitude she took saved us all. There is no better feeling that sitting next to the one you love especially in times when you have lost another loved one.

TRUST
Trust is another key ingredient. It’s like a pair of socks. Its gotta be two and it’s got to match. It’s the foundation of any relationship. When you feel betrayed by a particular situation you have to take a look at it objectively and look at the intent behind the actions. Many a time we feel betrayed, and we probably are by our own perspective and expectations but it need not be that someone else betrayed us. That is nothing but your attitude.

UNDERSTANDING
Understanding. Its difficult understanding the word understanding. Very often it’s misunderstood. Your understanding is also based on your attitude. If you take responsibility to ensure that others understand perfectly what you are communicating and you understand perfectly what others are communicating the relationship work pretty smooth.

Many a time we feel incomplete. No man can live as an island they say [though we can definitely live on one]. We feel we are imperfect, and so we're always searching for somebody to perfect us. We get into a relationship. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still incomplete, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising or sometimes with something more promising. It need not be a person. We do share relationships with inanimate objects as well though we may not realize it. Food, TV, Sports, etc. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.”

YOU AND I
I have a few relationships that I consider real important to me. Some of them have existed from the time I was born, some from my childhood, one from my stay here and one in the very recent past. I cannot define them though. I am limited by vocabulary. They are not water tight compartments and often spill in over to another compartment. So I shall not try to define them or set parameters but instead when I refer to them for other people I shall use generic terms like friend, sibling, and colleague so that someone may have a term to put to it. I do not need one.

You know how important you are to me and the very fact that you are reading this means you are already an integral part of my life for life.

First Gift

2009-06-22T19:36:00.006+04:00

My uncle and aunt were in the hospital because my cousin had just entered this world, and a colleague from office visited him and enquired about my little cousin. He then gifted them a bar of chocolate that he bought 'specially' for the baby.

Friend: She likes chocolates doesn't she? [he was talking about the baby]
Uncle: Yeah she does. In fact Dairy Milk is her favorite brand.

My aunt did not stop laughing.

UnDO - Ctrl Z

2009-06-22T18:59:00.004+04:00

So we were at Willy's place over the weekend and we were talking about how couples used to be before marriage. So Petr was telling us about how he used to sit at home on Thursday evenings and play PS3 and so would not meet us at Bostons for drinks and dance.

Petr: I used to not do anything on Thursday evening but sit with Roger and Eddy and play PS3.

Lynn decided to support him as a wife and said, "Ya he really didn't do anything on Thursdays. Including me."

Lynn wishes she could undo that moment.

Comrades

2009-06-17T16:34:00.001+04:00

Am listening to Dish ramble on for the last 20 minutes and this girl goes on and on and she is just so animated with her voice when she talks about her friend, you cant help but not listen or interrupt her. You just the most excited girl I have ever know in Dubai.

Shamona leaves today for a holiday and Dubai is a lot quieter and slower without her. Taboo is never fun without her especially if she is in the other team. Headbandz is something we have not seen her in full glory as yet. Will miss you kuttyno.

Petr came up with an absolute beauty yesterday at soccer. Why did SRK drink himself to death in Devdaas? Because both the women in his life were singing Dil dola [Dildo La]

Compilations - Of Girlfriends and Women

2009-05-28T14:03:00.000+04:00

[this one really got my sis laughing. And no offense to women.]

Hey guys,

I’m on a major trip. And this is cos I’m really heart broken. My gf doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time. She wants a mediocre man, and I am working hard to be as mediocre as possible. She laughs at everything I say. Why? Not because she thinks it’s funny but because she has fine teeth.

Then comes the final sentence to every argument. Why don’t you want to marry me? There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is when I'll get married. The trouble with marrying your gf is that you create a job vacancy. Lol. But to impress a woman to become your gf, all you need is the dope. I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.

I want to be successful in life. Behind every successful man stands a proud gf and a surprised to be mother-in-law. If it up to her then she’d like a world without men. Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.

But being with her I realised many things about women. God created women because He couldn't teach sheep how to type. And therein comes the secret to a successful nation. He who can govern a woman can govern a nation. So now we know why Mr Bush is not doing so well. Women like silent men. They think they're listening. Dennis you are going to be the ideal husband.

So I finally broke up with my gf. If you don't think women are explosive, try dropping one. Why haven't women got labels on their foreheads saying, "Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends. We had a lot in common. I loved her and she loved her.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. And trust me I am. I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.

There is a big difference between love and infatuation. Infatuation is when you think she's as sexy as Pamela Anderson, as smart as Sushmita, as noble as Sonia Gandhi, as funny as Whoopi Goldberg, and as athletic as Serena Williams. Love is when you realise that she's as sexy as Whoopi Goldberg, as smart as Pamela, as funny as Serena Williams, as athletic as Sonia Gandhi, and nothing like Sushmita--but you'll take her anyway. And it also means you need to get your head checked.

There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased that line. There is no human problem, which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advised. I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. And a lot of girls, I mean a lot, a lot would endorse that.

Compilations - Vegetarian Mind

2009-05-28T13:49:00.002+04:00

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

And why am I raising all these questions? Freaking Vegetarian mind.

Compilations - Dubai Life

2009-05-27T09:52:00.000+04:00

Letters to family in 2004

I don’t want to be a celebrity. I cannot work hard all my life to become a well known face and then wear dark glasses to avoid being recognized. I like me the way I am. I am not going to be the most downloaded face ever. Heck I’m no good at computers. It beat me at chess. But it was no match for me at kick boxing. Though I am paying the damages caused.

I lent some money to my ex gf. Never seen her ever since. It was a worthy investment. Grow up you say when you read this. Well - I’m not an adult as yet. I’m still growing. When i stop growing at both ends and grow in the middle is when I’ll be an adult. I attended mass last week with my uncle. The sermon was about Adam and Eve. My uncle noticed me feeling his ribs. He asked me what I was doing. I said, "I counted these ribs 3 times now. I think I'm having a wife."

I did some shopping for my friends. All girls. Now I stopped laughing at women’s clothes. Now i know any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them. Money never seemed so valuable before. Have you noticed that anything you lose automatically doubles in value?

Speaking of values I said a prayer yesterday. "Lord, I wish you would make it rain - not so much for me, I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old cousin here.[In Dubai it does not rain too often]."

Compilations - Creative Thoughts

2009-05-26T12:50:00.000+04:00

[more from 2004]

So I have been trying to get the creative juices flowing. Hope at least some of you laughed. Because that was my intention. Some must have laughed as they were reading it and some after. She who laughs last thinks slowest so I hope you have the last laugh.

I needed to borrow some money to get through my initial expenses. I learnt an important lesson there. Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back. And you can go back for seconds. Speaking of which I clocked 13 in my 100 meters. Pretty good considering the amount of people I met on the way as I was running. I am in terrific shape. Most of it is due to the amount of exercises I’ve been doing. Though in the last few days it has kind of reduced. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck with my boss.

This place is great but the loneliness is a killer. Tina you were right. I do miss her. I need someone really bad. (All you single women out there)Are you really bad? Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If she isn't there the first time you need her, chances are you won't need her again. Don’t think I’m getting smart with you. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. But I’m sure your day will come. Haven’t you heard, every dog has his day? Then what about the bitches?

Hey did I tell you guys I have girls living with me in the same house? It’s a great learning experience. One good turn gets most of the blankets. Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep. I do miss my ex gf a lot. A lot. But my aim is improving nonetheless. We used to party like crazy. It was always One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Every time I left her she threatened suicide. If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide is it considered a hostage situation? But the one important lesson she taught me I’d never forget.

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment. Wow. When a man talks nasty to a woman its Sexual harassment. When a woman talks nasty to a man its $5 a minute. But I know how to please women. It's something that's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Yep it’s Money.

My girl left me. She was too demanding. She always wanted free gifts. Aren't all gifts free? Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Especially if yours is a coed group. So how’s things back home? Hey here is a funny one. What do you call a beautiful girl in India? A tourist. Well I must get back to work now. Trying to hone my leadership skills. Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.

Compilations - Secret to Success

2009-05-13T08:51:00.003+04:00

This was written in 2004, when I had just moved to Dubai.

Hmmm,

How important is money? I think it’s not important at all. I can prove it. All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy. Give me lots of money for the rest of my life and see how unhappy I am! I will not fail. I cannot afford to make anymore mistakes. Have you noticed that any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers? You are always asked trick questions. By the time you have the right answers, no one is asking you questions. I always admit my faults. But the true test is admitting it to someone else.

I have seen a change in myself. My aspirations keep soaring. In this part it has to. The cost of living goes up too often. By the time you can make ends meet, they've moved the ends. Change is required. So I thought maybe we should have a woman boss. That is like permitting yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost. [No offence to women here]I love the problems women come to you with. Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.

On a more serious not, my boss is happy with me. He says I’m like a teakettle. Though it is up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing. What the heck. I’m successful nonetheless and all due to the work I did. The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work. And my life of course. I work smart. I have a new theory. It’s like writing a patent medicine. First convince the reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly, that it is curable. And third that this is the medicine that will cure him.

There you go, that’s my secret to success.

No Write

2009-05-13T08:47:00.002+04:00

I have been terribly busy with the play and then work for the last month or so and hence I have not penned anything down recently. But am posting up some stuff I had penned in 2004, when i just moved here. Letters to family and friends. All are compilations.

I need some sleep

2009-04-20T16:22:00.004+04:00

Of all the thing man treasures on earth there is nothing he treasures more than sleep. I need a real rest now and I have not slept a wink last night. I wish to write more these days because there is so much more to write about but there is little time with this whole theater business. If only I could inherit Nel's or Den's ability to sleep anywhere and everywhere I'd be a happier guy. [somehow my ability seems to be anyone and everyone - Damn I am a Casanova]

I Met A Girl

2009-04-15T11:06:00.000+04:00

This one is for you Kiddo...

I met a girl who loves the moon [werewolf tendencies anyone?]
I met a girl who loves too soon
I met a girl who laughs and weeps
All in one moment, she rocks, she sweeps

I met a girl like a lil doll [if you have seen her you know…]
I met a girl who sweet n small
I met a girl who was 5’3
Who just lets me be ‘me’[love that bout her]

I met a girl with lovely hair
I met a girl at whom I stare [she always up to something]
I met a girl who smells real nice
Her mood swings r her only vice [and oh boy! do they swing?]

I met a girl who has bad cramps
I met a girls who storms at stamps
I met a girl lucky as can be
What the heck! I didn’t meet her - she met ME [she gonna kill me for this line]

Death and Life

2009-04-15T10:53:00.001+04:00

Death is always hard to deal with. Life is what we all want. Death is what we all fear. Many of us feel that life is not fair. And there are those of us who feel that death is not fair either. Fairness does not govern life and death. If it did, no good person would ever die. But then who defines good and bad or whether a person is good or bad for every good person has done something bad and every bad person has done something good.

Death does just catch someone, it also misses another and in that small distance between life and death, lives change. We sometimes wish that we had died instead of someone else we loved. Sometimes we just don’t realize how close were to dying. When u almost drowning and someone throws you a float, death missed you. At the same moment somewhere else got caught. A brick falls from a building and just misses you but gets the next person, you miss a flight and it goes down, when you do not inherit the cancer that runs in your family, it is all near misses and someone else getting caught.

I always have been drawn to funerals. It brings lives together, sometimes even ends long feuds. Death can change the lives of those living. They are both part of a whole.

When my grandmother passed away, she just didn’t die. She ensured I live.

Reflective Self

2009-04-05T13:11:00.003+04:00

You are many people. Most people know that they are who they actually are and who others think they are, but what most do not realize that they also are who they want others to think they are. It’s called the reflective self [my brother gave me the word for it while we sat at the beach talking this weekend]. And it plays such a big role in shaping who you are.

So when I ask you tell me something about you its very likely that you will reveal what you want me to think of you as opposed to who you really are. And we tend to get so engrossed in depicting this perception to others that we tend to believe it at times even if it is not true. Over the years you built a certain reputation and now you stuck with it and you like it and even though its not you anymore you have to work hard to keep up that impression. And we then spend most of our lives living that or trying to undo that reputation.

There are some of us who of us who face ourselves but lack the balls to face the world, there are others who face the world but then cannot face themselves and then there are those who face the world and themselves but have to go through a lot of crap to be that way. This reflective self comes from our conditioning. It comes from what is taught to us directly or indirectly and we are slaves to that conditioning. I will not tread carefully to be politically correct here. There are those who do not follow any of the principles of religion but are at the fore of all religious functions to show how religious they are. There are those who are married, but keep testing the water [you know what I mean] given the chance if they think they can manage it slyly and get away with it. There are those who rationalize things according to the situation and then tell themselves, ‘I am not that kind of a person [you believe your reputation over reality] and I am only doing this within limits’. There are those caught in bad situations but cannot get out because of what other people will say and think. And there are many more of ‘those’.

If you look back at your life, you will see that there was one person who was really special to you in your life and that person is not there anymore as the years passed by. If you look carefully you will realize that the person was you yourself. It was you and your innocence that made life so beautiful. Gone are the times when you thought that your parents were the best parents in the world apart from your dad being the most handsome and your mum the most beautiful. Gone are the times when you had the best family, the best uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents and friends. Gone are the times when you thought that even if you moved to a better house you would like the same neighbors to come along there as well. Gone are the times when on a deserted road you looked at a stranger and were happy that there was another person there.

The world remained the same. We changed. Our outlook changed. Those days we had no set principles but we followed them nonetheless. Now we have principles that we talk about and harp about but we do not follow them and even if we do we bend them every once in a while. Our problem is our reflective self. We hold others to standards that we ourselves cannot live by. That is the hypocrisy of our lives. We never lie, but we just do not speak the truth either. I know of a person who told me that she had buried the hatchet; she did not mention that she buried it in my back.

Reflect Yourself.

Zen goes Desi

2009-04-01T10:14:00.001+04:00

Great News to all the gourmets and connoisseurs of fine dining, Zen [my favorite restaurant] has begun a Desi [Indian] menu.

Now you still cannot go to Zen and not devour the Thai food, but you can try out the Indian dishes as well. Now this is not your typical Indian food with some idiot from India coming and cooking up some nonsense and passing it off as Indian food. These are carefully researched and designed creations that caters to your taste buds, Zen style. Well I have always maintained that you don’t go to an Udupi restaurant and have Chinese food and this I speak from experience. But you can definitely go to Zen and order desi food because like it’s Thai and Chinese counterparts the food is sumptuous. The problem with Zen is that you hooked on pretty easy especially if you are a foodie like me or a sucker for great ambience and have a list of women you want to impress.

I won’t recommend any particular dish, but I would suggest that when you get there you tell Nicky what food you like and how you like it and let him surprise you. Ok you know what, I am going to recommend something and it is the Dal Kurchan.

Nicky – you owe me a new wardrobe.

Am I Looking Fat?

2009-03-30T11:26:00.003+04:00

Q: Am I looking fat?
A: Yes you are and no matter how much weight you lose you will always look fat. Because there will always be someone who will be thinner than you. So just quit.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall – I don’t trust what I see at all.

Now that’s the answer I give to women who keep pestering me with the damn question day in and day out. It’s like the national pastime of women of every country. When they are born the first word they understand is ‘thin’ and the first sentence they construct is “am I looking fat?” Just be happy with yourself and accept it that you look a particular way. Sometimes I wonder if they do it for sympathy. Why this constant need for reassurance? I mean come on; you have a mirror at home – so please look into it and see and judge for yourself if you are fat or thin. And honestly it does not even matter because apart from the first two we see you; no one ever keeps judging you by your looks. From then on it’s what you speak and how you behave.

Lisa Oh Lisa

I had this senior called Lisa. Pretty thing. We were working on a movie together and happened to spend some quality time together. Big mistake. I told her, “Lisa you have two things in common with Lisa Ray.” She asked, “Our name and we both are pretty?” I said, “well the name is common alright, but the other fact is that both of you are great until you open your mouth to speak. And yes you are pretty. Pretty stupid that is to think that you can compare your beauty to Lisa Ray with that double chin of yours.” That was the end of our friendship. I think it was the double chin that did it.

Laying Tracks

In college I knew this chick who weighed 90 kilos and she refused to wear ‘track pants’ because they made her look fat apparently. Really? Babe when you play hopscotch it’s like you doing – Kerala, Karnataka, Maharashtra, [Goa is too small for her] Gujarat, Rajasthan, Punjab, Kashmir… so just chuck the ‘look’ and wear the damn tracks. Anyways people are running around you to get some exercise so you really think that anything you do will look any different?

Fat Football

Yes, it’s considered to be cool and hot and beautiful and handsome to be thin and slim and slender. But honestly – you really think that counts for much? The only reason I’d like to lose weight is so that I can run faster and I’d be able to defend better when I play football so that Julius won’t keep pushing the ball past me and making a dash for it while I am forced to bring him down. If I do shed some I will be able to bring him down easier because I am never going to be as fast as he is.

Description not Judgment

Don’t be like those women whose bodies are thin and brains are fat. Fat and thin are descriptions not judgments. Don’t get too carried away by them. But it has thrown up some brilliant ideas as well. I am going to use them to label cigarettes and alcohol “contains 90% fat” and maybe add a photograph of naked fat people smoking and drinking as well.

Take my advice – better be thick skinned than thick in the head.

The Chameleon Theory

2009-03-24T17:05:00.002+04:00

The word Chameleon has its roots in Greek and means "on the earth, on the ground, lion." Now that is pretty weird because it looks nothing like the lion. Now the reason I am writing this is not to give you a picture of the scientific gobbledygook about chameleons. If you thought that you obviously did not know that science was my least favorite period in school, my favorite being sports. Now that speaks a lot about how much you know me as well, and why on earth am I going off topic.

Damn. I have a short attention span. Well the most widely known characteristic about the chameleon is that it changes its color. Some say it changes its color according to the environment it is in and that sounds ‘cooler’ so I shall go with that. Now people often take on the color of the environment they are in too, they blend in with their surroundings and camouflage themselves with the society they live in. And then you try and belong, you do everything in your power to be as ‘like’ others as you can and you forget that you were created unique.

Sometimes we feel that what is around us is erroneous or there is the craving to do things differently but the pressure is just too much and most of us cave in under its weight. Hence we take the easy way out. And we start believing all of what is told to us. Religion, marriage, birds and bees, gender, rituals, life, death and the list in endless. And sometimes it’s so ridiculous that if you ever took the time to step out of yourself and view it objectively you would laugh and how base a thing your life is.

As kids we are in the “why” stage from about 3 years old to about 8. [Let’s listen to some of the stuff you have heard as kids.]
“Mel, do your studies”
Why?
Because you need to get good marks
Why?
Because you need to get into a good college
Why?
So that you will get a good job
Why?
So that you will earn lots of money
Why?
So that you will get a good girl to get married to, because no girl will marry you if you don’t have a lots of money

[For most of us this is where we became the chameleon] Not me though. [And now the process is reversed]

But I don’t want to get married
Why?
Because I don’t like girls
Why?
Because I only love football and girls don’t play football. In fact I want to grow up and be a football player like Pele
Why?
[And it just goes on]

You see it was told to us at that age that marriage is the ultimate thing to achieve and it was important to have lots of money to get married. No wonder I always thought the girls were after my money and I refuse to get married.

The Greek roots now come into play. Here is the lion. Damn it! This chameleon refuses to blend in and insists on being “outstanding”.

Real Heroes

2009-03-23T12:11:00.001+04:00

I have been disappointed with the audio visual journalism in India in recent times. Sensationalism, glorification, and making mountains of mole hills have been the trends. Some of them are such utter nonsense I can’t believe that there are actually people who view this shit and think its news.

I was appalled at the commercialism during the whole Mumbai terror attack by all the leading channels. If you think that making someone cry on television and use his sorrow to up TRP is business, I do not want to live in that part of the world anymore. I wish someone had done this to the very people who presented this nonsense at the loss of a loved one and I would like to see how much they enjoyed being on TV then. Leeches. God knows. Some of them may actually do just that and invite the whole world to come view their mother’s funeral if it brings in the moolah.

Just when you think everything is lost and we have no hope you switch on the TV and surf through the mindless crap and you come across a news channel that’s airing ‘Real Heroes’. Great I thought – another award function for the film stars who are nothing but stars [big balls of gas]. I do not know what prompted us to linger on that channel, maybe the presence of Aamir Khan, but it was a pleasant shock. They were actually recognizing the efforts of 24 heroes from real life who have done great deeds that have gone unnoticed till date.

Nisheeth Mehta 80% of whose workforce consists of employees who are disabled. Mohamed Sharif who gives abandoned dead bodies a dignified burial after bearing the trauma of seeing his son been buried as an unidentified body. IIT graduates who have returned to the village to give back what he has learned and resisting the lure of the big bucks. A vegetable seller, who let nothing stand in her way of setting up a multi-specialty hospital, Zaputou Angami who polished shoes and washed utensils to raise money for setting up a home for the destitute children in Nagaland, a fruit seller who set up a primary school in his village, a 16 year old boy who set up a school at the age of 9 and now provides free education to nearly 600 students. [these are just a few of the people I remember]

It was so overwhelming that tears welled up in my eyes and everyone with me who was watching this. Here we have such easy lives and yet we complain about the cost of living, the living conditions, the rents, the government and every goddamn thing and we have forgotten to thank God for our blessings and all that we have. We do absolutely nothing for others such is our life. You do one good deed and gloat about it for the next five months. Such is our shallowness. Where we see disability others see ability, where we see poverty others see an opportunity, where we see things gone astray others see a chance to rectify it. They bring to light the triviality of our existence. [Me included]

I sincerely hope that these people are elected to their constituencies as independents and they get a chance to do for their region what the politicians have failed to do in all these years. There is so much inspiration to be gained by them. I think CNN – IBN have done a commendable job with the Real Heroes project and I would like to put my hands together for a news channel after a really long time.

WRITING

2009-03-19T10:32:00.002+04:00

I embarked on a journey to express myself through prose and poetry as a kid. I was never great at telling people what I felt about them or what I felt in general. So I took the help of writing down my thoughts. I remember writing poems in school and very soon half of the guys were approaching me to write poems on their behalf to their beloved. It was good fun because that way I figured out who is chasing whom and sometimes I have counted up to 20 + guys after the same lass. Now since I didn’t know too much about these women except that they studied with me in the same class you can imagine that she must have received a few poems from her admirers which were not so different from each other.

Now if you think that writing is easy business you are mistaken. Everyone likes to have had written but no one really likes to write. A person who composes a message or story in the form of text is generally known as a writer or an author. But I do know what to call myself because I am none of them. I am no poet either just because my lines rhyme.

The important thing about writing is that you do not play to the galleries but at the same time be open to suggestions that people give about your style and content. Now there are those who tell me that I don’t write as frequently as I used to. Now what do I tell them – it’s the damn recession.

Writing to me is more about an escape, an expression and a creation. A creation of a new world, where I reign supreme, where my word has value more than others. Innovating upon words of George Orwell I say – “when I write I am more equal than others.”

Thank you, Tejjal and thank you Perri.

Controversy Land

2009-03-17T10:44:00.005+04:00

Barber Blabber

I remember going to the barber as kid for my haircuts. It used to be a dreadful experience because I loved growing my hair long. I guess Amitabh Bachchan was my idol and hence the fascination for long hair. But dad used to make sure that the experience was a pleasant and used to buy me a bar of 5 star later to compensate for the ‘hair loss’. I wonder if I do return to that saloon would it be offensive to call my barber a ‘barber’. Would I be sued for calling him that? It’s ridiculous. Billu Barber was changed to Billu because barber is a derogatory word. Its there in the damn Oxford dictionary. It’s a legal term.

Now you will tell me I cannot call a plumber a plumber and a carpenter a carpenter. So are these people to be called basin stylist and wood designer respectively?

Kutte, Kaminay

This is my favorite dialogue as far as Dharmendra is concerned where he goes, “Kutte, Kaminay, Mein tera khoon pi jaunga.” [Dog, Rascal, I will drink your blood] I think anyone who imitates him will always begin with this dialogue. And its never considered bad or rude or derogatory or an expletive. In fact it’s funny when we use it. And yet after slumdog millionaire was out and became a hit people had an objection to the word “Slumdog” because it has the word ‘dog’ in it. Really? And what do you think Dharampaji was saying. Maybe the breed of dog is important as well. I guess he was talking about the nice German Sheppard’s while Danny Boyle was talking about the Mongrels.

Can’t Touch This

Delhi 6 had Divya Dutta play an untouchable and there was uproar over that saying the term they used was inappropriate. So what do you call her then? Or should be not call her at all? Maybe they should have used M.C. Hammers – ‘cant touch this’ as the theme song for her every time she was on screen, as that would probably give the hint that she is one.

Funny Guys

I recently read that Hindu activists allegedly opposed erecting a statue of comedian Charlie Chaplin as part of props on a local beach for a film in Bangalore, because the actor was a Christian. Apparently the land on which the statue was to be installed belonged to a Hindu temple and the statue would hurt Hindu sentiments. If that’s the rule then ban all SRK, Aamir Khan’s, Salman Khan’s, Saif, Irrfan and John Abraham movies as well unless of course they convert. Then again the “some” Sena [just too many of them floating around with problems to keep track of] is against conversion so that would be a problem as well. Hence we are stuck. Idiots.

Problem

The problem is that people are really jobless and have nothing to do. I guess all this talk of us never attacking another nation and being a peaceful state is getting to the people. They want to fight. They want the limelight. They want to be heard and want to be in the news. No one is giving them their 2 minutes of fame without a protest or controversy.

Solution

There is no point in media not giving the coverage because they will get more desperate and take bigger measures to ensure being in the news. I did the right thing thanks to my foresight and vision. I sent my brother to study law and he is the brightest in the family. I get all my articles, speeches, etc etc checked and verified from him before I make them public and if someone does sue he will make sure that the case goes on for at least 20 years or so.

If only these ‘jobless’ [not people without jobs but people without anything worthwhile to do] people had protested against corruption, child marriages, dowry, injustice or even joined the armed forces to take on enemies within and outside we would be living in a better place.

WATCH MEN

2009-03-09T08:16:00.002+04:00

You better be wearing a watch when you go to this movie, because you will have to keep looking at it from time to time wondering when is this damn piece of audio visual crap going to end. You are better off watching a group of gurkhas saying, “Shaabji, Shaabji” and laugh at that, than watch this movie.

Its gory, its dark, its boring [mostly], the action is very limited but very well choreographed [if they had added another hour of action the movie would have been watchable], and it has some heavy philosophical claptrap about human nature. The characters do nothing for you than talk about their problems, [like I don’t hear enough of that in real life with the recession] and these guys are like the worst wannabe superheroes ever.

The one superhero who has super powers is Dr. Manhattan and boy, does he give you the ‘blues’. The idealistic twaddle is too heavy and I think you would need to have a 175+ IQ to understand any of his monologues. Then there is the loser Night Owl who makes me wonder, how such people can ever be superheroes, and Silk Spectre who does nothing but complain and whine and then walk around in a body hugging suit as eye candy. Rorschach and the Comedian do have some depth as characters but the plot does not give them scope for it to be explored. The other characters are not mention worthy.

Don’t waste money on this one. But if you do dislike someone send them to watch this movie by all means. If Ayeshu [my sis in law] had a gun she would have shot down all the characters and then gone after the director and writer and I think I just about escaped being shot down for taking them for this movie.

Don’t come for this one. Go watch MEN instead.

CONSPIRACY THEORY

2009-03-04T12:19:00.003+04:00

My take on the whole Sri Lankan cricket players being attacked in Pakistan is bound to stir a controversy. I think BCCI is behind the whole attack. After a word with the Indian captain they must have realized that Ajantha Mendis is a real threat to our chances at the T20 world cup this year. Our players have failed to read him, and as Willy put it – we make Mendis look ‘Tremendous’. And Pakistan we just managed to beat last time thanks to India’s dancing cricketer – Sreesanth who held on to the catch leading to the confirmation of the fact that there is a Mallu at every corner of the earth.

So they decided to kill two birds with one stone or in this case a few bullets. They set up an attack on the Lankan team while in Pak and put the whole blame on them. So now Pak will be banned from further cricket, India will get sole rights to the one day World cup, Mendis will either quit the game or never be the same player again. One can imagine the comments and the sounds the Indian batsmen at the crease will make when he comes on to bowl. “See there. That guy has a gun.” Finished. Our man is already pissing in his pants remembering the attack. And when we are bowling the slip cordon imitates sounds of the blasts and gun firing. The batsmen as a result is out hit wicket. He cant wait to get back to the safety of the dressing room.

India wins the next world cup. Both T20 and the ODI. Checkmate.

NOTE: All views mentioned above are just speculative and are my personal views. Please take them seriously because I am joking. And dare not think of suing me for defamation. My brother is studying Law and he quite good at it.

Slung

2009-02-25T11:41:00.003+04:00

When I watched the movie “Unbreakable” I felt bad for Samuel L Jackson. I wondered if there was anyone out there who was that injury prone. And then I met Vee. Four days of soccer and four different injuries! His left shoulder has a ligament tear, his right arm is in a sling, his left ankle is weak and keeps getting twisted all the time and his right one cant bear the pressure of the left one being so dysfunctional.

But on the brighter side, once he is back from his right arm injury maybe he will have a sling arm action to help his bowling and will be as effective as Malinga. Am looking forward to that.

Get Well Soon Vee.

PS: I need a ride to Football Fridaze.

Goan Shatabdi Express

2009-02-22T10:25:00.005+04:00

On Thursday I met Shamona – The Goan Shatabdi Express.

Vee got her home as they were going for a barbecue. The conversation or monologue went something like this.

Shatabdi Express: Hey you went skydiving na? How was it?

Me: [before I can even open my mouth the next question was through]

Shatabdi Express: It must have been awesome na? Sharon was also there with you na? She must have loved it. Did you know she had an accident?

Me: [I was wondering if I should even try to stop this train.]

Shatabdi Express: It was at the Gulf News Fun Drive. I am surprised that Vee also did not know about it. Oh did you know that Vee is also going sky diving next month?

Me: [I simply smiled]

Vee: Arrey let him answer na. You only are answering all the questions you asked.

I just went back to my room and laughed and laughed. If I ever were to look for a partner during college fests for “Jam” or Nonstop Nonsense” it would defiantly be her. Her and me together no one can beat us. [Actually I wonder if I will even get a chance to speak.]

Russian Roulette knocks out Oh Bammer

2009-02-19T11:49:00.002+04:00

E Dementieva (RUS) vs S Bammer (AUT)
Dubai Open

Elena is a year younger to me, taller than me, is right handed and most importantly she is single [Unless I have not been updated]. She has long, slender, tanned and well toned legs that seem never ending.

Sybille is about the same age and a mum of a seven year old [she doesn’t look like one] and probably one of the only mums around is fit as a fiddle.

No prizes for guessing who I was looking at and yet I did pay attention to the match and surprised myself. Max who is a yoga instructor and into body building gave us a logical explanation on why Elena’s legs were one of the greatest ones around because of the tone and stuff. That gave me all the more reason to stare at them. The match ended in a straight sets victory to Elena but not before both the women displayed some skills to keep us entertained.

Max who was supposed to leave at 10 waited till 10.30 because he wanted to know what Elena sounded like when she spoke and our friend Duane who was covering the event was invited to the players after party and that left us abusing him and envying him for the fun he has at work. Imagine having a job where you have to watch these women play, interview them, photograph them and then attend parties with them. And why on earth do married guys get such jobs when there are single, handsome and charming blokes like me out there.

At times I feel there is no justice in the world.

ERR vs. WILL

2009-02-19T10:59:00.001+04:00

To err is human; to forgive Serena has not yet learnt.

I went to the Dubai Open to watch Serena Williams play Sara Errani. Errani true to her name erred and Serena true to her name was a picture of calmness. Serena dropped her first two serves and I was just wondering if the camera adds to the speed of the shots because it did not seem like there was too much power in them. But I realized how wrong I was when she turned it on. The serves were going at 191km/hr and the force with which she hit her forehands made me glad that I was not her opponent and just a spectator. Among the five of us attending, only Salim has played some serious tennis while I have taken a few lessons [15 min] from Willy, which pretty much amounts to winning a point on a double fault from the opponent.

My form as compared to Serena is so bad that she will beat me at love. [Damn I always wanted to win at love]. She has some muscles I must say. There are so well defined that it gives me a complex as a guy because I know that it will take me ages to get that kind of cuts on my bicep. She took the match easily even though she dropped the first set and it was good to see that there was support for both the players. While everyone was going – “come on Serena” or “come on Sara”, I decided to be patriotic and cheered, “come on Sania,” to which I received some stares and a few laughs from the people in the front.

Reasons Men Love Football Fridaze

2009-02-17T08:16:00.003+04:00

• Everyone has a chance to “score” on a Friday morning [I scored twice last week]

• You get a chance to play with full sized balls

• You can juggle them and others will not have a problem sharing with you

• For the guys on the other side of the fence – you get a chance to get physical with 21 other guys

• You can whack a guy on the butt after he scores and it wont be considered gay

• You get to be the boss of you for a change [we all know who is the boss at home]

• You can yell, "put it in, put it in!" and that too in public and no one will raise an eyebrow. [this actually happened]

• You can shout "Fall back. We need MEN! and get away with that too. [this actually happened too]

‘SEE THERE’ – A Tale of Snorkeling & Dolphins

2009-02-15T16:28:00.003+04:00

Yesterday, we all headed to Musandam, Oman for a cruise to make good use of the beautiful weather. It’s a three hour long drive and Willy took the onus upon himself to drive us there and bring us back. We drove through Ras Al Khaimah, which is one of the 7 emirates that forms UAE. It’s more like a village as compared to Dubai, Abu Dhabi and Sharjah and you will not see the tall sky scrapers and the big city razzmatazz. . It’s got a sober setting and the mountains and sand add to its rugged look.

WHAT IS IN A NAME?

We stopped at the border and had to get our passports stamped. In the process many of us got rebaptized. Perrin became Berrin, Ayesha became Asian, Melony became Bello, and Sharon [pronounced Shaa Rin] became Sharon [Che Ron]. The guy at the counter called Sharon and told her “it’s a dangerous name to keep in this part of the world.” And she did not get it at first but it dawned upon her soon and she said, “Yeah! The Palestine guy na.” Willy and I burst out laughing because she could have almost been shot and have us shot too for making such a faux pas.

The drive from the Oman border to our destination was real wow. Beaches on one side, and the hills on the other. It’s a winding road, about 45 kms or so and took us about 40 min and we enjoyed the view. We then headed straight for the cruise and rented out our snorkeling equipment.

DOLPHINS – SEE THERE

As part of the whole cruise thingy we went to this spot where apparently you get to see dolphins in the sea. Now everyone on the boat was really excited to see dolphins in their natural habitat. There was a group of French nationals on board with us [three whole generations] and they seemed as excited as us about the whole deal. Now I was one of the first people to spot a duo of them and then the whole spot the dolphin contest began. Everyone was moving back and forth, side to side to spot them and they did not disappoint us. They [13 I counted] kept surfacing from time to time and one of them swam along the boat underwater for a good 10 seconds or so. [Willy managed to get the whole thing on camera]

I was really enjoying the whole chase and there was a lull in between so I decided to keep the crowd engrossed. “See there!” I shouted and pointed to the right everyone who was on the left side of the boat ran over and came to the right and was focusing on the direction I was pointing at. After about 20 seconds during which nothing seemed to be moving Perrin finally realized that I was pulling a fast one on them and she and Mello beat me up. I laughed for about 15 minutes or so just thinking about the prank I had pulled off. I guess even the French nationals aboard saw the funny side of it and I got a few friendly smiles the next time I ventured that side of the boat. I did the whole ‘see there’ routine about 5 more times during the entire trip and I always found takers for the same.

HOLLYWOOD VS BOLLYWOOD

Mello and I had a talk about movies that could be shot at this location with the hills around and being totally uninhabited with just a couple of trees on every hill. I was thinking on the lines of Lord of the Rings and I was happy that she was sharing similar thoughts till she said, “we can shoot one song sequence in different clothes in every different location.” Women! I tell you. Why is it always about clothes and looking good? I thought that Frodo and Sam could have been entering Mordor from here and she was thinking of Sridevi in a sari and Jeetendra in white trousers dancing with thousands of pots. She always makes me laugh.

SNORKELING

Now the image I had in my mind about this was totally different. I assumed we would be dropped at a beach and we would walk in and wear our equipment and then put our heads beneath and watch the fish. We anchored about 10 meters away from the land and then everyone had to jump in do the whole snorkeling thingy. Well I did not know how to swim so I sat in the boat with Melo and watched all my friends do it [snorkeling, I know what you were thinking] while I took snaps of them enjoying themselves. Perri was the bravest and she went in without a life jacket. Willy and Ayeshu actually did the most snorkeling and Carter went in with a life jacket and was floating about in the water. Carter started drifting with the current and he managed a few backstrokes to reach the boat again. [You had us worried there Carter]. I threw pieces of banana and khubus to the fishes and watched them fight over it. Why get into the water when you can see the fish from the boat?

About two hours later we reached another spot and this time I made up my mind to get into the water. So on came my life jacket and soon I was off the boat and in the sea. Perri being such a sweetheart decided to give me company given my fear of water and I stayed close to the boat at all times and she did her best to take me a few feet away but I stayed within the 6 feet radius. The water was a bit cold and twice my head did go below the water but I did not see any fish. No mermaids as well though the old French lady did give me her hand to help me overcome my fear of being away from the boat which I politely declined. If I am going down I’d rather it be a young French lady. Jones joined us pretty soon and the remaining on deck had a good time at my expense clicking away like the paparazzi, savoring every moment of my discomfort. If that was not enough the guide on our boat was telling people on the other boats about my fear and they too came to enjoy my plight. [I am sure the others on the boat must have been shouting – see there, at me.]

The next time I head for such a trip I shall have mastered the art of swimming I have decided.

Advertising - My Take on it

2009-02-11T15:48:00.003+04:00

Another one of my 'genius' creations on advertising.
*this one has got a bit of an optical illusion

PS: you have to turn it upside down to get it.

Add to my Brain

2009-02-10T17:32:00.004+04:00

Yesterday I happened to spend the evening at my couz Willy's place and it’s such a refreshing experience. The boy is an encyclopedia of knowledge. My very own Wikipedia. While my sis in law took care of my gourmet habits, Willy was busy adding to my restricted yet spongy mind. He can talk about any topic under the sun with such ease and he always adds to a discussion. Few more sessions like these and I shall be in another league altogether.

He also happens to be my favorite poet [but I shall elaborate on that later]

We talk about everything that we have in common and he then introduces me to some new aspects of life. I love our long talks and I remember the times when we were growing up when we used to spend hours on the phone talking to each other about football, school and family. I was so thrilled that he came to Dubai. Its always good to have family around especially the intelligent and hospitable types. J

Movie Review: American History X + Fracture

2009-02-08T12:07:00.002+04:00

American History X

The movie is simply brilliant. Ed Norton is one of the best actors Hollywood has ever seen. I do not want to give away the premise, so let me just talk about the movie. The direction is super, the editing tight, the acting good. I really love the way the shots have been planned and executed. You empathize with the characters and you watch the movie with a feeling of something is going to happen now every 10 minutes or so. The use of shadows in the movie is excellent and the whole feel and the tone of the movie was very much in line with what was being conveyed. There was synergy in everything.

Rating: must see, must buy.

Fracture

The premise is great. A man murders his wife and then confesses and then tries to wiggle his way out of the situation. I figured out the plot pretty early so I did not have much to guess throughout the movie and I was wondering why the characters were not guessing the same, but it still keeps you engrossed. [I usually am good with guessing these things so not necessary that you may guess it as well] Anthony Hopkins is bang on target with his portrayal of the murderer and yet he seems so slick that you alternate between wanting him to get away with the murder and wanting justice to reign as well. The look of the movie is very rich, like the character and overall is a pretty good watch.

Rating: worth having in your collection

Sky Dive

2009-02-08T11:51:00.001+04:00

I don’t know what the big fuss is all about. Sky diving ain’t that scary. [That’s only if you have pretty lass, whom you are attched to and who is going to pull open the parachute]

Prelude

So we reached there at 11 am, after a long car journey with me giving directions we reached the place safe and sound and without getting lost. As soon as we stepped out of the car we looked up and saw four people jump off the plane and their parachutes open to get them safely on the ground. Ok. That did look a little frightening. So we made our way in took our forms and began filling them. After signing in over a hundred places and getting Sue and Carter to witness for me, Jones and Ashfana, we handed over the forms. I didn’t get the part why we had to sign the paragraph that said the laws of the state of Florida apply for something.

So in we went and got our names written down for the jumps. Ash and Jones were doing it together [the jump I mean] and I was going solo. Now the thing with Tandem jumps is that you are attached to an instructor who then gives you the instructions and stuff and they have the parachute attached to their back and they do all the pulling and stuff. Now with a novice it could just be that you get nervous or panic and not find the cord to pull.

Yours Truly

So I got myself strapped in, and I was just praying that I get one of the female instructors. [now its not because I am desperate or anything but the idea of a guy strapped to my back with his pelvis attached to my posterior is not exactly comforting] so when Jason [instructor] did come to take a few audio and visual bytes he asked me if I had anything to say and I said, “Yeah, who am I going with” and he pointed to Di [female instructor] and assured me I was in good hands. Well she had just strapped me in so I knew exactly how good those hands were cos I could hardly walk freely after that.

So Di gave me the instructions. Hands to be put across my chest in a V, legs bent backward and we rock forward, backward and the off. So we sat in the plane, huddled up. At about 9000 feet she strapped me to herself and I guess it was a bit early cos I had to sit on her lap after she strapped me in and she told me that it went numb in a while. The plane door opens, and Jason steps out hanging at the edges while I inch my way closer to the fall. Sit at the edge, with my legs out and the wind is so strong that my left leg does not touch the floor of the plane and backward, forward, backward and we off. [The view below is breath taking]

We hurtling towards earth at 200 km/hour and I can feel the skin on my face thrash about. A series of thoughts go through my mind. For one I suddenly feel a lack of control over my life. [Imagine people who fall from buildings. This is what they must be going through] Di taps me on the shoulder and that was the cue that I was supposed to spread my arms open, but being so lost in thoughts I didn’t open them and she had to tap me again and remind me and Jason was there right next to us filming the whole thing. Then Jason held my hand we did a spin thingy. And then he said bye as he fell further below and Di opened up the chute that kind of gives you a jerk and breaks the velocity of the fall. Then she loosened the harness and I was much freer and I was taking in the view below. The sea, the color of the water, the horizon, the vegetation in the middle of the sea, the desert, the flying club and the small grass patch that we were supposed to land on. Di asked me if I wanted to handle the chute but I was enjoying the view so much that I did not want any distractions to be looking upward and managing that. I denied her twice and if she had asked me once more I am sure I would have heard the cock crow thrice.

I did make some polite conversation with her, and she happens to be from Florida and I asked her about the mention of Florida in the forms we signed and she explained the reason of that clause being there. Then she gave me instruction on how to land and I had to keep my legs bent while she would land and once she balanced herself I had to get my legs down and stand. We did that and I was back on earth again. The adrenaline was still pumping, though my hearing was a little warped at that moment.

That was simply WOW.

Jones and Ash

Earlier in the day the two girls got ready first, did their make up, took photographs, posed, talked about being nervous and then went to wear their harness. It took a while for both of them to come out. Jones was being filmed by Jason and she went about moving from side to side as she spoke about how excited she is. They then headed towards the plane which is a tiny little thing which can accommodate about eight people sitting on the floor. Off they went and it took a good twenty minutes before they reached the altitude and then we saw them jump. In the meantime Sue and I talked about sleeping alone at home, how anatomically correct the flying suits of the Omani team were [bad girl Sue. Why do you even look there?] and we waited to the girls to jump off.

Now there were four parachutes that opened up. Two were the camera crew and two were the girls. I figured out which was Jones and which was Ash. There were screaming sounds and that had to be Jones. And then we saw both of them coming close to earth as apart as chalk and cheese. Jones was waving frantically and screaming while Ash was focused on the landing patch. So Ash did land first and then Jones came in and she managed her landing well too. There was a look of joy on both their faces and it was evident that it was an experience to cherish. Carter was busy taking snaps of everyone and I am waiting to see if he did get any funny pictures of the two girls.

My advice to everyone – try it at least once!

My "Will" Be Done

2009-02-04T14:47:00.005+04:00

I have to go Sky Diving on Saturday. Now I am not sure how this goes, but just in case it goes the wrong way I think it’s wise to write down my will. Now where do I start from?

Ok. Sis, you get all my letters, mails and the white and black money [more liabilities than assets, mind you]. It is your job to distribute the money among the other siblings as you deem fit. [No one knows about my Swiss bank accounts so deal with them once things settle down.] I also leave you my three packets of Maggi since I know it’s the meal you make best till date. [I have a recipe book somewhere and if you find it, it’s yours to keep.]

Den, as the eldest boy, you get the first pick of all my houses and villas clothes, shoes, accessories, hair gels, shampoos, my three chains, hair bands etc. Also I leave my beloved bed from IKEA to you. Under the bed you will find my diary that has all my secrets on how I managed to charm so many women. My pick up lines, list of compliments, observations and the gory details of my numerous flings are engraved in that manuscript.

Ynot, considering your love for Gizmo's you get my mobile, laptop, i- pod and other appliances that I have. I also leave my Giant pencil to you which will come in handy if you have to write your will. Please note that the laptop is already running slow, so do not save any more files on this one without deleting some or saving it elsewhere.

Nel, I leave you all my board games - Taboo, Pictionary, Junior Pictionary, Scrabble, Cranium, Scotland Yard, Monopoly, and Trivial Pursuit. I know you have not played most of them and this will be of real help to you as you can always take the game and go away if you losing. It’s a ploy I used a lot.

Baby, as the youngest you will get what you always got from us - Hand me downs and leftovers. But considering the career you have chosen I leave you all my speeches, my boss speeches, my colleagues speeches, my poems, work folio, fantasy football team, fantasy cricket team, fantasy euro team, my football, my cricket bat, my tennis racquet, three hard tennis balls, my habit of playing with people ears and Nels baby photos which I flicked [he does not know they exist and he still thinks we adopted him].

Guys’, one last request. I have booked plane tickets for each of you to various locations, made hotel bookings and have sealed envelopes awaiting you at each hotel. Photos and Videos of me with several of my girlfriends, Lindsay, Paris, Scarlett, Megan, Jessica, Meg, Angelina, Cameron, Katrina and others are not in my possession and could cause harm to my reputation long after I am gone. I have made these booking so that you can go to these people and retrieve what actually belongs to me and I request you to bury them in my grave at my first death anniversary. [yes I expect you to remember it]

Love

Yours truly,

PS: In case I make it back alive this document is null and void and you can start paying me back all the money I lent you guys.

Pune's Loss, Mumbai's Gain

2009-02-04T13:57:00.003+04:00

Den moves to Mumbai and there is a mass mourning in Pune. The boy is irreplaceable. With all of us kids away with the exception of him and Osc, the household felt quiet. And there would have been this constant worry about the parents if he had not been there. But he has managed things so smoothly at home that both houses do not feel the absence of the sons and daughter. Well in all honesty Tina will always be missed because she was the life of the family being the only girl, and Den has ensured that he is there for everyone so we are not missed as much as we would have been.

He is our very own Mr. Dependable. Sitting here in Dubai I can feel the loss of him in Pune. Its that bad. On the positive side the family Gizmo Genius and the Family King of bad jokes returns to fill in that gap. You can imagine the relief on having someone come back home. Its been a while since we all were at home together. Anyone listening?

Cricket Controversies - Neil Bloom vs Brad Haddin

2009-02-02T15:27:00.002+04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBv4gq72p4M

I was watching the video of the Neil Bloom dismissal in the Australia vs. New Zealand and following the comments made by both sides. After watching it closely it is very clear that he was not out and that Haddin had got the bails to be displaced with his gloves rather than the ball dislodging them.

I thought that Haddin should have indicated to the umpires that he had gotten the bails dislodged if it was done unintentionally. First of all his hands were in front of the stumps and then he collected the ball and his gloves displaced the bails. Given the stage the match was at, that decision could have well changed the result of the game. Its very poor sportsmanship by the Aussies and I think Ponting should have reviewed this before making the statement he did against Vettori. "We'll wait and see. If [a replay] does show anything that Brad is in the clear, I'll certainly be letting Daniel know about it. It's probably worth Haddin having a chat to him as well. He's basically had a bit of a crack at Haddin's make-up."

Haddin then had the cheek to call Vettori’s comment that he was disappointed that Haddin did not make an effort to call back Neil Bloom as poor and low. I hope this is not an indication of sportsmanship of the Aussies in times to come.

Advertising

2009-02-02T10:41:00.002+04:00

Another one on Advertising

Advertising

2009-01-29T18:42:00.001+04:00

My take on Advertising

Football Fridaze

2009-01-29T15:42:00.005+04:00

Its amazing how something that is seemingly unimportant like a soccer game can be the motivation for a whole week. For those wondering about what I am talking about it’s the Friday morning game of soccer that we play.

For once in the week you do not have to drag yourself out of bed and you actually get up much before the alarm goes off and lie awake waiting for it to ring so that you can get on with it. You wear your jersey, shorts, stocking and studs and make off for the venue. Meet everyone outside at the gate, share a few jokes, catch up on what happened during the week, the conditions in Dubai, the sports scene worldwide, comment on the latecomers, and make our way to the pitch. The warm up is slow and deliberate and while that is happening two of the regulars will pick teams. There is a usual argument on which team will wear the bibs and the game begins.

Its fast, its fun, its serious, its relaxed and all of it rolled into one. Started by a few of which only a handful remain its moved on from the 5 on 5’s to become a full fledged 11 a side game. The quality of players is excellent with most having played soccer at some level, including the national level and the ethnic mix really makes the game very diverse in terms of style. Some are really brilliant at the game, some lazy and most above average. I used to be one of the youngest till very recently and trust me I am not too young but the energy of those who are beyond their prime is simply wow. I’d give anything to have that speed at stamina at that age.

Its just 2 – 3 hours of a game but it really charges you up and gears you for the next week to come with all its challenges and headaches.

India Wins [I predict]

2009-01-28T15:29:00.001+04:00

I say we beat the Lankans by 5 wickets or less. If I lose I am willing to do a penalty

Office Howlers

2009-01-27T13:14:00.001+04:00

I must rent out that movie - Junk Food Country. [He meant Fast Food Nation]

Mangalore Mischief

2009-01-27T11:36:00.003+04:00

I was reading the news online on the attack on the pub in Mangalore. “We are custodians of the Indian culture” says the founder of the organization. Of course you are. Can some armed forces people please take notice of this and recruit these people into the army, navy or air force. We have finally found some patriots who are wiling to do something for this country. And if they are so vehemently against the outside attack on the culture I am sure they will be even more brutal on those who attack our soil.

So India finally finds some youth who are willing to fight for its motherland. Why is there such a big hue and cry I don’t understand? What they did was right. I mean let’s face it, drinking, listening to music and dancing is not a part of the Indian culture. Have you ever heard of Indians ever doing this? Do you think any of the members of this band had ever done any such thing in their life? No ways.

And how dare these girls go to a pub? All women who go there are prostitutes and whores. Didn’t they know this? They must all be beaten up, molested and ridiculed, only then will they learn a lesson.

How long? How long are we going to tolerate this bullshit? What the f***? All like minded people should just get together and form a band and go and break the bones of these people who dare to go and touch their daughters and sisters. Gone are the days on non violence. Lets just bring it on. Take the fight to their camp. Fight it on their turf. Find fault with every single thing they do. Bring religion into it too. Use their own standards against them. Punish them for celebrating birthdays because it is a western concept. Beat the crap outta anyone of them who wears jeans, burn the tongues of those of them who even utter a word of English. Spare none of them. Think of any such thing that can be used against them and use is because they will do the same.

Make no mistake; this is the war on terror. They are terrorizing us with all this culture and religion bullshit.

Wake up Mangalore. Wake up. This is the time to fight back.

Paul Punches

2009-01-22T09:37:00.005+04:00

Perri and me were sharing Knock Knock jokes. I came up with a new one.
M = me, P - = Perri

M: KNOCK KNOCK
P - Who's there?
M: MARK
P - Mark Who?
M: [I spat on her and said] Mark Spitz!

for those of you who did not get it Mark Spitz was an American swimmer who won 7 golds at the Munich Olympics.

So Perri decided to get back at me

P - KNOCK KNOCK
M: Who's there?
P - PAUL
M: Paul Who?
P - [she started punching me and said] Paul Punches
M: Who the hell is Paul Punches?
P - I don't know. It was just like your Mark Spitz.
M: Hello! Mark Spitz is a real person.
P - Oops! [with a very embarrassed face]

TASHU LEFT

2009-01-21T08:27:00.004+04:00

Tashu left this morning. We dropped her to the airport and stayed with her till she went to passport control. Hate the damn feeling that creeps up. She did everything to make the parting funny, asking for kisses on either cheek, not remembering where the passport was, and laughing her fake laugh. I wish we didnt know each other so well beacuse Vee and me saw through it immediately.

Vee and me had a quiet walk back, no words exchanged [which is very unusual] and we didnt even walk together. One of us was always in front of the other. We did not want the other to see that we were hurting. Then he dropped me back to work and the drive was quiet too. I guess we both need our time to come to terms with her leaving. The room is deserted and there is no high pitch voice calling you. Its depressing going home. More for Vee than me. I guess this weekend will be the worst for him.

The 3 of us formed a "pair". And a good one too. The past four years have been so much fun. We always team up. Its either Vee and me or Tashu and me vs the other. They had this beauty and the beast pillow covers [No guesses for who bought that] and trust me it was like that at home. Vee with his temper and Tashu with her tantrums took turns at being the beast. But for majority of the time both were beauties. I depend on both so much, its difficult to not have them together with me. Even if I dont see them everyday its important just to know that they are there.

Jan 21st 2009 - Tashu flew away.

Winter is Thanda [Cold]

2009-01-19T18:24:00.006+04:00

Winter this season is not as cold as it usually is in Dubai and yet it is such a pleasant time to be in. But everything else seems to be really cold or 'thanda' as we call it in India. The Shopping Fest is thanda, the sales are thanda, the decor is thanda, the fanfare is thanda, global village is thanda, the festivities are thanda.

The sales staff are thanda in their attitude towards us, [they assume we come to kill time and like everyone else we not going to buy either] and the warmth that made this city hospitable seems to have disappeared overnight.

I think its time for Coke to change their tagline. Thanda matlab Coca Cola is no longer a "cool" slogan.

Recession Realities

2009-01-19T13:16:00.003+04:00

Microsoft Word - Media Plan Information.doc

Not so long go at the grand opening of Atlantis over 4000 lobsters were served and there were major fireworks that illuminated the Dubai sky. Today over 4000 cars have been found abandoned near or at the airport and incomplete projects all over the place cast a shadow over the Dubai skyline.

Bosses were called ‘men with perks’ and today they are just ‘jerks’ who seem to be laying off people before you can even say ‘the bubble burst’. Doctors are doing great business, pharmaceutical companies are working in overdrive and the sale of chocolates has gone up manifold. This augments the theory that recession makes people fatter. But that’s just one thing that moving upward. You can add rent to that list and bill collectors too. Concurrently there are hordes of factors going the other way.

Hair lines are receding, budgets get smaller, sponsors disappear, manners and etiquette’s vanish, competitors shrink and increments seem like extinct creatures that were wiped off the face of the earth. Financial markets have plummeted, advertising budgets became skeletal, training has nose dived and not yet surfaced, benefits have been retracted and the doors to people hearts seem to have closed.

And yet Dubai stands tall. If you have any doubts go to the terrace of your building or villa and you will see the Burj still standing.

Two Guys, A Girl and A Rented Space

2009-01-18T15:28:00.003+04:00

The Space we called Home

We had four good years as friends,

I envision us as we used to be,

Young, lively, energetic and naïve,

And now where we are I see.

Strange how we turned out,
Three friends in that space,
God looked down and smiled at us,

And blessed us with his grace.

My tears are not of loss or sorrow,
Its for of time so quickly gone,
Like times you’d say, “I never ask for anything,

From the day I was born.”

I savor odd, funny, sweet moments,
When you chuckle or when you smile,
Like a mother hen you pecked at me all day,

And you were with me all the while.

Looking back from somewhere,
You will realize you not alone,

You still have us two with you,

Long after you leave what we call - Home!

TASHU - Down Memory Lane 2

2009-01-18T14:57:00.004+04:00

Four years of Friendship
Memories of a lifetime
Sweetest Girl in Dubai
Most Idiotic Girl I have known

TASHU - Down Memory Lane

2009-01-18T14:36:00.005+04:00

Tashu's stay with us at home

Pranaam Chacha [Greetings Uncle]

2009-01-13T08:31:00.003+04:00

This story is from the days of yonder.

Nandu, one of my closest friends was moving house. As usual I was called to do the ghada majdoori for her. Her uncle was in charge of a warehouse so he offered to keep her furniture till she returned and moved into the new place. Now she has not met this uncle too many times. Maybe just three or four times. So he isn’t that close to him as one should be with an uncle.

So she comes back a month later and we have located a house and its time to move in there. We are waiting at the house and her uncle calls to say that he has arrived and is coming up with the furniture. So our lady here waits near the door and as soon as the man enters in she falls at his feet and says, “Pranaam chacha.” I was a little surprised because this guy looked different from the guy I saw last as her uncle. Anyways he had this surprised look on his face, was taken aback almost and he walks in with some of the stuff and after him comes in the uncle who I knew as her uncle and she falls at his feet too with the whole ‘Pranaam chacha’ bit.

Three more people come in and help dump all of the furniture in the house and we offer them some tea and biscuits. After the whole thing got done we walked her uncle down and thanked him. As soon as he left I burst out laughing and Nandu was red as a cherry. The first guy who walked in was one of the helpers who works for her uncle and there she was falling at his feet calling him ‘Chacha’. And he uncle also must have laughed on his way home.

Nandu you always stick those pretty feet of yours into your mouth. Life around you is so interesting.

[Man U] 3 - [Chelsea] 0

2009-01-12T07:46:00.003+04:00

Q: What happens when an Unstoppable Force meets an Immovable Object.
A: The Unstoppable Force Stops

Man U has a great home record and Chelsea are amazing away. But they were no match for what Alex Ferguson threw their way. I know my team prediction went wrong and Man U scored 2 goals more than I expected but the result was spot on. Man U just had one trick too many up their sleeve for the Blues. The corner, off which Ronaldo scored and the goal was disallowed was simply brilliant as was the set up by Vidic that helped Berbatov score.

I say these guys take the title this year too with the kind of football they playing. I just hope playing in so many tournaments does not rob them of key players through injuries or suspensions.

Man U vs Chelsea Prediction

2009-01-11T17:35:00.003+04:00

I predict a 1-0 in favor of Man U. At home they are a super team.

I am hoping to see a pairing of Tevez and Berbatov upfront; Rooney, Carrick, Ronaldo; Fletcher; Evra, Rio, Vidiv, Rafael;Van;

I am doing really badly in the Fantasy soccer these last two weeks. Lets hope this week is different.

Rear Entrance

2009-01-08T09:35:00.002+04:00

Our office has two entrances. The main entrance and one at the rear that is basically the fire exit. Some guys use that entrance as it’s less crowded in the morning hours. Now the catch is that you cannot open it from the outside so you need an ally inside to let you in. One of my colleagues calls the receptionist and tells her

“Please open from the backside, I want to come inside.”

Surprise Surprise Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2009-01-06T08:48:00.005+04:00

Jones celebrated her birthday in shock yesterday.

HISTORY

She was in India for her sisters wedding and told Carter that she will be back on 6^th Jan, the day after her birthday and would surprise him by coming on the 5^th. Carter heard of the plans somehow and he made plans of his own to surprise her.

PRELUDE

We all gathered at Carters place and had a round of music, beers, colas, Christmas sweets, finger food etc etc. Boy this guy is a good host and a bloody good cook. May his tribe increase! We made fun of Mello [she didn’t know that and she too laughed at the jokes], discussed Jones rabbits who now sat as decoration on her pillows and praised Carters cooking. Tashu made plenty of demands for certain songs with the comment, “ I never ask for anything,” before each song.

THE EAGLE HAS LANDED

Peter then went to pick her up from the airport and gave us a missed call to say that they were close by. We cleared up the place as if no one had ever been there and we hid in the bedroom after we put the candle on the cake with the numericals 52 instead of 25.

DARK ROOM

Then we switched off the lights and waited. Merv was the last to enter the room and he comes in strumming the guitar in the dark and says, “This is going to be the pitch.” Lol. Lol. Lol. We had such a laugh. Poor Merv he always is so diligent about everything. Then Lynn slapped Mello in the dark. Now no one really knows what happens but my take is that Mello was thinking about Peter and she said out aloud that he is so handsome and Lynn gave her one with the hand to remind her that she and Peter were hand in hand. That did not dampen Mello’s spirits though and she went on to think out aloud that maybe we were being the ones fooled and they would yell surprise at us as they entered. Mello always is entertaining. Vee and I laughed till we cried. First Merv and then Mello.

AAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Then we heard the doorbell and we could hear voices. Then footsteps. And more voices. Finally the door opened slowly. And instead of shouting surprise Vee goes, “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.” [To our surprise Jones was dressed in a hot sweater and all. I guess that was going to be a surprise for Carter later that night that she had planned.] Jones looked shocked, saw my face, yelped, “AAAAGGHHHHHHHHHH,” and ran back to Carter cos she was so scared. She finally recovered and starting pounding Peter. Smack, Dishh, Sock, Crunch, Biff, Dishum.

Then we cut the cake, sang Happy Bday and had a good time.

Christmas Tales 08 - U Called Me?

2009-01-05T11:18:00.003+04:00

As we were playing various games this Christmas I noticed a few things peculiar to my family. It’s got to do with how the women address their hubbies

My Grandma called my granddad DADDY [they were married for 49 years. Though I wonder what she called him before the kids came along]
My Aunt calls my uncle HEARD OR WHAT [they been married 29 years]
My Sister calls her hubby ACCHA
My sister in law calls my brother ANGEL [in all honesty, he does behave like one]
My Girlfriends never CALL ME [that’s why my phone bills are so high]

Tea Totaller

2009-01-05T11:11:00.001+04:00

I once met a friend for lunch. We had just met each other a few times before and were still in the process of getting to know each other. While discussing ourselves I mentioned to her that I was a teetotaler. To which she replied, “Really? Even I love my teas. I am a total tea person.” I listened to her for about 5 minutes and then I told her that a teetotaler is actually a person who does not drink or smoke. She had a very sheepish smile on her face and was embarrassed for the next five minutes.

I always manage to find friends who brighten up my days.

Christmas Tales 08 - Biblical Frauds

2009-01-05T10:13:00.001+04:00

To keep the games relevant to all, this time I included a Bible quiz. Given the number of religious extremists we have in the family I was expecting a 20/20 for all three teams. Its then when I realized how competitive we are as a family and as individuals. People were even cheating on a Bible Quiz. I mean come on, do you have to cheat on a bible quiz. Does that not just defeat the whole purpose of it? Tsk, tsk.

Anyways surprisingly the one question that stumped most was

How many wise men does the Bible say came to visit Jesus?

The correct answer to that question is It doesn't say, there is no indication of how many wise men visited Jesus, except that there were at least two because the word 'magi' is plural.

I would have gotten bashed up if I was doing this alone but since Fr. Joe was there to refute all other claims I could stand my ground. Otherwise I would have been the Late Melwyn Abraham today. :-)

Christmas Tales 08 - Joana Gets Slushed

2009-01-04T12:56:00.004+04:00

Nish and Meryl point to the slush on Joana

We headed to Alibaug for a family picnic this Christmas. Beach football was the call of the hour and that’s what we played. Boys, girls, uncles, aunts and priests alike. It was a mixed team and the game was competitive. To ensure that the girls get a kick in as well we had a small 3 on 3 game for girls only with Ed, Meryl and Nish on one side and Ayeshu, Joana and Alia aunty on the other. The game went on smoothly and we boys stood at the sidelines and laughed our asses off.

Both sides were equally good [or bad – whatever you might call it] and it was a keenly fought tussle literally. More misses taking a kick at the ball than strikes but considering it was their first games they all did very well. So in the midfield battle 5 of them trying to imprison the ball between themselves and Ed manages to steer the ball clear and Joana goes chasing and Ed sticks out her leg. Now one would expect a girl to play fair usually but these Goan born and brought up women play their football just like the men. Joana with all her might and mass walked straight into the trap and went head first towards the sand and midair balanced herself in such a way that her centre of gravity was her bottom and that’s how she landed. Because the sand was damp she slid a bit and while all of us outside were worried she could not stop laughing as were the other girls.

So like all war heroes who have a scar to show for the battles they have fought she has clothes to show for the soccer she played.

Christmas Tales 08 - I Like To Move It.

2009-01-04T12:30:00.002+04:00

Cassie is the youngest gal of the family. Rolly polly and cute she has just gotten hooked onto Madagascar. More specifically I like to move it, move it… so Boban uncle narrated this incident where they were invited to a Ganpati celebration to someone’s house and all of them went along. They started singing the hymn – ‘jai jaive’ and kept rhythm with those small cymbals that you clang together. Cassie walks up to the host and says, “ I know, I know” and he promptly gives her the cymbals and is waiting for her to recite the hymn and she goes, “ I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it, you like to move it”… in tune with the hymn.

You can imagine the look on the host’s face and my uncles as well.

HOMEWARD BOUND

2008-12-23T09:14:00.001+04:00

Christmas is a time for bonding with the family and hence I head in that direction. My family being the crazy one, always manages to make every such event a one to remember. Its that time of the year where the kids [my age and below] will be all quiet after midnight mass and watch the parents dance, crack jokes and make a complete ass of themselves. It’s so much fun. The mad dance steps which would have even looked funny in the 1970’s look funnier now, the attempts to jive and waltz always leaves behind some casualties and the best part is that everyone is engrossed and does not one to miss a moment of fun that we always forget to take snaps.

The two crazy uncles keep us in splits with their jokes and one liners and comments about everything and everyone. You can see the fear in everyone eyes if the feel my uncles are looking at them because that means you will be the butt of the jokes for the next 10 minutes or so and everyone else will join in. We do the whole Peter Russell thing with jokes about the various ethnicities, etc. then when it is time to show off our individual skills we have the singings cousins, the dancing cousins, the shy cousins and the invisible cousins who all come into prominence.

This time should not be any different and I look forward to another session of Christmas laughter therapy.

AGE OVERCOMES YOUTH - Boys In White vs Team Bong

2008-12-17T16:54:00.005+04:00

2005, Sharjah

With age comes wisdom. Not true I say. I say with age comes experience and that was exactly what lifted us yesterday to a huge 61 victory over Team Bong.

In a dashing display of skills and wits the senior players of the Boys in White showed the way its done. After winning the toss and electing to bat Faisal and Kannan gave a steady start putting on 21 runs in 5.3 overs. After the departure of Kannan Mahesh joined the company of Faisal who looked in no hurry to come back and was happy taking the singles. Mahesh soon departed without a major contribution and Vydya begun his stay at the crease with a first ball boundary clubbed over the fielder at square leg. He soon opened up himself and a six and another four soon followed much to our delight in the dressing room. Vydya has become the mainstay of this batting line up and he is quite in the mode of Zulu when he bats. Unluckily he departed and Mohan was promoted up the order.

Mohan[uncle] has never really been given a chance to display his wares and he made best use of this opportunity with an innings that simply took the match away from the opposition. He paced his innings to perfection with singles initially and as he begun to cut loose he looked even more elegant. Well I had the best seats in the house first watching him from square leg and later on being his by-runner which was almost like watching the ball from his point of view. Two huge consecutive sixes and he had stamped his authority over the bowling and he never once did let up after that picking up the gaps regularly while always threatening to clear the ropes. Faisal departed and Shabbir walked in and he too wasted no time and joined the elite club by clubbing a big but simply sweetly timed maximum over long off.

Shabbir departed with just an over to go and Vimal joined Uncle Mohan who offered that he sit out to give another batsman a look in but with the form he was in there was no way I'd let anyone else have a go. We finished off in style stealing 3 runs off the last ball and ended up with 127 in twenty overs. A great finish to the innings and almost 50 runs were yielded in last 5 overs.

The defence began well and but for a dropped catch that yielded two runs the over was uneventful. Anwar bowled two tight overs and picked up a wicket. Amin too kept it simple and quick from his end and they were in a stranglehold that they couldn’t seem to break free from. Wickets kept falling at regular interval and we awaited the arrival of Gangadharan the only person capable of giving us some competition. He did arrive and we had the perfect plan set up for him. I had a first go at him that he just kept poking at and immediately the unused Vimal was bought on. He totally softened him up with short pitched stuff and the occasional pitched up deliveries and one such delivery knocked the wind out of his sails and literally brought him down on his knees.

Next over Faisal was introduced and he picked him up first ball with a low full toss that was hit straight to Vydya. Faisal has been awesome with his slow stuff and he is getting squarish turn off the seam which Gangadharan has not been able to come to terms with. Vydya slipped in maiden wicket unnoticed and it was just a matter of finishing off the match from then on. Shabbir came good again with his leg spin and this bowling attack is looking menacing with the variety we have. I came back for my third over and had the batsman scoop the ball up towards point but a little away from the fielder and to my surprise I see Jameson run backwards and take a brilliant catch two handed after judging the ball to perfection. What a catch that was! Next ball I had Jerry bowled and was on a hat trick and missed out by a whisker. Rajesh, Murali, Jameson and Kannan bowled an over each at the death and picked up easy wickets.

Kannan again was brilliant behind the stumps and pulled of a cunning stumping. His keeping has helped the bowling as the batsmen seem very reluctant to leave the crease and use their feet against the bowling while he is behind the stumps. Another aspect of our game that stood out was our fielding. Four direct throws resulted in run outs. Amin broke the stumps with his accurate but powerful one from cover and Vydya wrapped up the innings with another one at the non strikers end.

The batting was a revelation and I am very impressed with the senior guys who took up the challenge of pulling us out of the slump of the last two games. A lesson well learnt that experience does count and sometimes is more valuable that youth and energy. The batting has been dominated by the Uncles and the bowling by the Fresh Bloods. I have an embarrassment of riches available at my disposal when it comes to the bolwing department. Vimal, Vydya and myself all ended up with an economy rate of fewer than 2 and it is going to be some task giving everyone a chance to be part of the action.

A lesson well learnt also when considering the order of the batting line up and from now on the emphasis will be on winning rather than giving everyone a chance. Great game guys and there was no better result that I could have asked for. Uncle Mohan is going to cherish this innings for a long time and UncleJameson is going to be remembering that catch for eternity. Well done all the Uncles of the team. Jameson made a great gesture to sacrifice his place so that others may get a chance to play and I hope everyone learns from his gesture and places team interest over everything else.

If we continue playing in this vein the time is not far when we will soon have to rename ourselves as “THE UNTOUCHABLES.”

My Diary - Roomie falls in love

2008-12-17T13:33:00.003+04:00

Saturday, February 5, 2005

Ahem. Let’s hear from the other side. So I had a couple of friends staying over at my place over the weekend. Girls. Went partying. Ate. Drank. Watched TV. Slept. My roommate fell in love with one of them at first sight. Wow. Got me thinking why do men like love at first sight? And all I could come up with was that it saves them a lot of time. Men. Men. Men.

At the party my roommate showed he's planning for the future? He bought two cases of beer instead of one. He says you never know when it will come in handy. I do know. And so does everyone else. Dancing in this part of the world is very different from back home. And so are the clothes women wear. So that’s why men find it difficult to make eye contact? Because cleavage doesn’t have eyes. Not that he minded it. So he spent all his time with them at home watching those silly soap operas with the girls just to show them he is like them. Made me think. I can you tell soap operas are fictional. How? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed. True isn’t it? Not that I would know but I’m guessing from talking to so many women.

Was so tired after coming back that we all hit the sack immediately. Couldn’t sleep a wink. Then I realised why black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts. Damn it. I know I snore but not like my roomie. It’s 1200 watts of pulsating sound.

Well Mr love at first sight tells me he is thinking of dating miss I saw you for the first time. Well he knows things will never work out between them in the long run but nonetheless. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Just for kicks.

And as we approach the conclusion of this rare gyan I’m giving I will let you unto more gyan. What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.

My Diary - Love at First Sight

2008-12-17T13:22:00.002+04:00

Saturday, December 4, 2004

Hey,

I fell in love all over again yesterday. The gals name is Kresha. She is an angel. We met at a beach party yesterday. It was her bday. Her dad is a friend of my uncle. Talk about love at first sight. We became close in no time. Obviously initially there was a little shyness. In 15 min all the shyness was gone. We spoke like we knew each other for ages. And she is a big chatter box. We walked on the beach. I pushed her into the water. She was a little upset cos she didn’t have spare clothes. But she came around. She has lovely hair. And she sings well. Loves pizzas. Ask her what’s her plan for the day? - “I’m freaking out". So by the end of the day we were spending most of the time with each other.

I had thought I was incapable of falling in love again. And there it was happening! And I didn’t want to stop it. Her parents didn’t mind either. In fact they were happy. So we made plans for the next weekend. She said she’ll carry her swimming costume. And well watch movies and eat pizzas. So many emotions were brought to the fore. This angel had me wrapped round her little finger. I was trying to write in her big bday card a message but I had a writers block. I wanted my message to be the best but nothing I came up with seemed good enough. So finally my uncle wrote the message. She kissed me and I showered her with 100s of kisses. I recorded her voice singing “har ghadi badal rahi hain” on my uncle’s mobile .Towards the end of the day she wanted me to carry her, which I did. As the time to leave came close by I was not sad but happy that I met her and am looking forward to meet her again. She brings laughter into this life.

Yesterday she turned 4.

Suddenly I am craving to be a father. You know the thought of being a parent is scary. But for me the thought not being one is even scarier. I know I may never be one. Maybe that’s what making me crave for it even more. I wanted to be a father yesterday. And the thought occupied my mind all night. What a feeling. Her mom said “usually u don’t find youth like you so taken up with children”. Untrue! I’ve wanted to be a father ever since I started taking care of my baby brother.

My Diary - Her Voice

2008-12-17T13:09:00.003+04:00

Sunday, December 5, 2004

The sun rises earnestly and smiles
Eager to bring me another day,
In vain, I’d rather see no more light
If I were to have my way.

The torment tears me apart
Burning fire garb my cadaver attire
Agony embedded deep into my soul
Essence dead alas! No desire

Ardent words ringing in my ears
Accolades being said in honor mine
Encouragement intended to convey cheer
Peace at last, I heard her voice divine.

My Diary - Think Different?

2008-12-17T13:04:00.003+04:00

Sunday, February 6, 2005

I got spoiled milk from a pampered cow
And virgin wool from an ugly sheep
Nitrogen, hydrogen and dioxide from the fart
Met shallow people in waters deep.

Why is aibohphobia the fear of palindromes?
And the honest politician the mythical creature?
Why is hindsight the perfect science?
And people with troubled past’s good preachers?

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well
Passion always feels like heaven
And the after effects like hell

Who measured the speed of light?
To say it travels faster than sound
Is that why people appear bright
Till you hear them speak profound?

I wish the buck would stop here
I could sure use many or a few
I always go the extra mile at work
Makes the boss look like an incompetent true

I do a good job, go the distance and work hard,
That I may get a job with a better company someday,
I always smile in the face of adversity
Because I will have a scapegoat who will pay

CHANGING TIMES

2008-12-17T11:42:00.007+04:00

Look how times have changed
Its become autumn now
Why did we become so different?
And where, when and how?

I loved my ol music
Bee Gees, Beatles and Rolling Stones
The Stones have been made ‘rock’
And remixes for the clones.

I loved to do my gardening
Had some special pots
Now ‘pot’ is what they are having
And letting their bodies rot.

I lived in times of plenty
Lots of clothes to wear
Look how poverty has grappled us
Even with clothes they are bare!

My hair was long and lovely
Like snow over the Alps
Now I thirst to see hair
All I see is scalps

I worked hard for my body
Exercises gave me the boost
I heard metal is the in thing
So silicon rules the roost.

God gave Moses two tablets
Those are all I lived by
Now you pop pills for everything
To live and to die

Well times have changed now
All I cherished is torn apart
But I still see the same emotions
Deep down in their heart.

-MELWYN ABRAHAM

YOUNG WOOD MAKES HOT FIRE - Vikings. F. C. Newsletter

2008-12-16T13:48:00.003+04:00

VIKINGS. F. C. NEWSLETTER

This was the final newsletter for Vikings F.C. as we soon moved outdoors.

SOCCER CLASSIC - Vikings. F. C. Newsletter

2008-12-16T13:44:00.001+04:00

VIKINGS. F. C. NEWSLETTER

The Awards were started from this edition.

A SOCCER BASH - Vikings. F. C. Newsletter

2008-12-16T13:42:00.001+04:00

VIKINGS. F. C. NEWSLETTER

SHAKESPEAREAN SOCCER - Vikings F.C. Newsletter

2008-12-16T13:38:00.001+04:00

VIKINGS. F. C. NEWSLETTER

FAST N FURIOUS - Vikings F.C. Newsletter

2008-12-16T13:30:00.006+04:00

VIKINGS F. C. NEWSLETTER

These were the days when we just about started playing soccer at Insportz. The newsletter started out as a very basic one but later we made it more jazzy. Love those old days when were still young.

MUMBAI BLASTED

2008-12-15T08:18:00.004+04:00

Post 26/11 I don’t think we shall have any more terrorist attacks in India anymore. The home minister resigned, the Catholics said a mass with candles, whole lot of people dressed up one day in black, another day in white, the chief minister of Maharashtra resigned and so much more.

So now the terrorist will think, “hmm I achieved all that I came for, so no more attacks anymore.” I think the gang must have been one put up by some corporates. Some clothing apparel company had loads of black and white clothes in stock and wanted to get rid of the stock so they hired guys to go on a killing spree and then they floated messages for everyone to wear black and white clothes. Then I guess some political party also must have been involved because they wanted the chief minister and home minister to resign. Well, mission achieved. Are we that naïve or are we plain stupid?

Honestly. The only reason the attacks happened is because we did not do our jobs. Why blame someone else. Some guys whose job was to man the sea did not hence these guys got in. some customs official who was supposed to check the luggage did not hence the weapons got in. we encourage some people. And all of us also fail to do our jobs. Be it throwing the garbage all over the places, spitting all over, littering the city, breaking traffic rules, stealing government property. We tolerate hardliners who divide us on the basis of religion because we say as long as we are not affected who cares.

I read that some bloke from Mumbai wrote a stinging letter to the OM. Lol. Yes and now all our problems are solved. I see all the news channels go on and on about the attack. Show us sad stories of people who died. Do they know that there are more people dying of various other diseases and corruption and various other reasons that they don’t think important enough to cover? Let’s not just sit and complain that we don’t have politicians to choose from. If you don’t have a choice, then go be one. When no one cooks for you what do you do? Starve? No you go and cook for yourself. Do the same here.

Let’s not expect any immediate change. I mean for 60 years we been used to this nonsense and its probably going to take us another 60 before we can change anything completely. We need to plant the seeds, we may not get shelter from the trees or enjoy its fruit in our lifetime but the next generation may. Its worth it.

The Best Recession One

2008-12-10T19:03:00.001+04:00

Recession has hit us so badly that Women are actually Marrying for Love these days

WISDOM HURTS

2008-12-10T12:06:00.004+04:00

God finally decided that I cannot survive only by my charms much longer and took a decision to grant me some wisdom. Too bad for me he decided to give it in the form of a Wisdom Tooth. Me being me, my gum's are refusing to let the wisdom out and its hurting me like hell.

Thank God for painkillers though.

[am thinking of all the possibilities that will open up to me now post my newfound wisdom]

A Little Less Conversation Little More Action

2008-12-04T10:58:00.002+04:00

www.smallchange.in

For those who would like to do more than just talk.

GOVINDAS RESTAURANT: A DISASTER

2008-12-04T08:47:00.001+04:00

Karama, Dubai,

What do you do if there is a vacant table of eight and ten available that are not reserved and neither is that big a group expected and you are just a group of five at a restaurant?

1. You call three more people so that you can be the exact number
2. You wait for the people at table for five to finish eating and then you go and sit there
3. You go and sit at the table of eight, place the order, tell the guy that when the table for five gets empty you shall shift there.

Well option number three is what we chose. And yet they refused to give us the table and asked us to wait outside for fifteen minutes till the people seated at the table for five finish eating. We then asked to speak to the manager and they guy tells us that he himself was the manager. LOL. Well we know what to expect from a restaurant that has a manager who himself drives away customers.

TIPS

• Ensure that you either in groups in 2, 4, 5, 8 or 10 when you visit Govinda’s because they do not have seating capacity for in betweens.
• Call in advance and make a booking
• DO NOT GO THERE

CARTER WEDS JONES [Reception]

2008-12-03T12:42:00.005+04:00

Aaron Weds Sharon

WHAT OTHERS DID NOT KNOW

We took a rick and headed for Sarita Lawns after mass. We reached there early and had almost an hour with us and since Peter [Shel] was nervous about the toast and wanted to have a drink to calm his nerves, we headed out to look for a bar. He seemed to know the place well and all the sidey bars that were in the gallis and since we had Tashu with us we were spared that horror. Makes me wonder how come he knows all these places. Some youth he must have had. We ended up going to Quarterdecks [its nothing like the one in Dubai] and we had to walk quiet a bit and we had people staring at us three guys in suits and one decked up gal walking towards this bar and it looked pretty shady types but since we didn’t have an option we went in.

Picked a secluded spot, which wasn’t too difficult because there was only another couple in the place besides us and straight away ordered our drinks. I don’t usually drink but since it was a special occasion I decided to give these guys company. 3 shots of rum for Peter, 2 flaming B-52’s for Vee, one for me, one for Tashu who also had some other drink. I love the taste of Bailey’s liqueur and this one was full of it.

Peter still had not calmed his nerves and we headed back to the venue nonetheless. Three of us took a rick back and Peter ran the distance in his suit. Why? No one knows the answer to that but I think that maybe the drink finally showed some effect.

THE VENUE

The place was well done up from the outside and we met Jones [Sharon] mom at the entrance and we introduced ourselves. Jones obviously had been talking to her mom about us because she goes [aah you are Melwyn] and I was like [Jones I am going to kill you]. The lawns were spacious and had a nice ambiance. I think I found where Ganpati Mandap’s put up all their decorations after the festival celebrations were over. Also there was the typical Shehnai music playing which is usually heard at Indian weddings. Just kidding on that one, but they did have some amazing décor done up in golden, red and white which I guess was the theme color of the wedding.

There were two large tables on either side of the stage and I guessed correctly that those were for the families and close relatives. We picked a spot on the right and sat down and listened to the DJ belting out love songs to set the mood right.

THE EVENT

Confetti was distributed, party poppers distributed and we all stood in a circle to welcome the newly wedded couple. They arrived and we did our part in throwing the confetti into Jones hair that made it look like a black bouquet with confetti and Vee was giving us his scientific gyaan on how to angle the party popper in the proper direction so that it goes right above them and ended up blowing the whole thing on ourselves. Thanks Vee. We then stood back to to enjoy the traditional makka pav reception. When I say "traditional" I don't mean it strictly in the mainstream way. They have their own traditions which are slightly different than what you may be used to.

The emcee maraoed some jokes to start with. Have heard these so many times that I think they might as well just announce that I am going to tell you the joke about so and so. He then invited them to cut the cake which they did. I was hoping that Jones would not be her gourmet self and eat more than 1 slice and she did not. Good Girl. They then proceeded to the stage and the whole bridal party was introduced. [I noticed the Bridesmaid Nisha had a cool tattoo on her back.]

THE TOAST

Some more jokes later Peter was called to deliver the much awaited toast. He started off well, wove his humor into the speech so that it did not look like jokes were included in it simple for the sake of being funny. Some interesting lines from his toast were:

It was only a matter of time before the PR turned into Pyaar!
They say in marriage, you need to have a lot in common. But it’s actually just three things, love, trust and respect.
May you share everything with each other... and that includes the housework…
May you have many children and may they be as sought after as the contents of this glass…
May all of your ups and downs be only in your bedroom…

I found the humor very subtle and very good but I do not think that too many people at the wedding got them. There wasn’t a great response to the humor really. I guess most people were taken up by the starters, the cake and the wine. Great Toast Peter!

There were a few oops moments too in the toast. Peter rewrote the Old Testament with Eve being made out to be a lesbian and he changed the nick Jones gave me.

“Eve could have married any girl she wanted to.”
Pelu [that is me] was made Pullu

THE RESPONSE

Carter [Aaron] responded very well to the toast and had very good stage presence and was very sweet to address his beloved as his wife of two hours. Already feeling the effects of marriage ha Carter! Counting the hours already?

Jones too had a few words of thanks to her parents, she mentioned us too as we had come all the way down from Dubai to attend, her boss from Dubai who was there too and all the other boys who had proposed to her who and who were kind enough to not attend.

Nisha in the meantime had already downed the whole glass of wine and was left with an empty glass when it was time for the photograph.

DANCE MASTI

The couple did their first dance and we all did what was expected out of us, we said “awww”. Then we had to join in. now the problem was that we were three guys and there was just one girl with us. So very smartly Vee takes Tahsu and goes for the wedding march, [Tahsu introduced us to Neha who was Jones friend and works in Dubai and her kid sister Nikita], so Peter was quick in asking Neha out and before I even knew what was happening I had to walk the pretty but little Nikita out to the March. Peter your wife is going to hear about this.

We did all the usual dances, I was as awkward as ever, and Nikita and me danced with a gap big enough between us, that Vee and could come and stand in between if he cared to. But I did dish out some career and academic advice to her on the dance floor. Vee did one jive with Tashu which had everyone looking at them in awe [he loves that feeling] and then one with the Bride who managed to look graceful dancing even in her wedding gown. Then there was a salsa number on for a bit and the Maid of Honor Sue Ellen entertained us with a well executed number.

The masala songs started and it was funny to see some old aunties trying to outdo the youngsters on the floor. One aunty in particular did not know the steps and was struggling to keep rhythm. [The video will have it all] Peter did his Mithun and Bobby Deol moves, Carter surprisingly was bindaas on the floor and he to executed some Mithun moves. Full I am a disco dancer types. Tahsu and me did some Kolhi dancing which I am sure made us look like idiots over there but then again who cares.

[on popular demand by the bride this sentence is included] - Jones continued to dance well [she always does] and was looking very gorgeous.

THE WANDERERS

Vee let his wandering eyes wander and he was caught red handed on camera ogling at Neha’s anatomy. Peter too while dancing kept glancing her way. Neha - you have two fans and one of them has bad thoughts in his mind. Beware!

THE CIRCLES AND THE CHAIRS

The boys formed a circle around Jones and the girls around Carter. While the boys had a good time dancing with the Bride, the girls did not exploit the situation and Carter escaped unscathed. Sahil did some funny and weird dance that left us in splits and the Best Man showed off some Sunny Deol ant killing steps as well.

Then we did the whole picking them up on the chair thingy and I opted to go for Jones cos she is lighter and Vee and Peter had a tough time with Carter cos he ain’t as light as he looks like. After almost dropping him down twice they finally managed to get the two into the middle and the couple indulged in a long passionate kiss and I literally had to yell, “enough guys it ain’t the honeymoon yet”, before the pulled themselves away.

CARTER GETS THE GARTER

All the unmarried men and women were asked to form two separate circles and Jones was blindfolded and she threw the bouquet which was caught by the lil flower girl and hence had to be done again. That was a really good catch though as the bouquet was almost behind her and she took the catch at full length. Anyways another girl caught the bouquet and she was now the ‘selected one’.

Then Carter blindfolded, had to put his hands under Jones gown and look for her garter and take it off. He took awfully long for that. I am sure he found it easy just took his time to get a good feel. Must be the effects of that long kiss. Anyways it took so long that it gave Vee a chance to put his incredible large feet into his mouth. Again. So whats happened was as Carter was looking for the garter, his mum passed our way and Vee jokingly mentioned, “Aunty, see what your son is doing.” His mom looked that way and you could see the horror on her face when she saw her son with his hand under her daughter in law’s gown. “Aaron what are you doing?” was the response but the words did not reach him with all the cheering happening. [I am sure he got it later from his mum]

So this time Carter is blindfolded and he throws the Garter and unfortunately it falls short of everyone and right in front of us. Vee and I pretended not to see it and to our delight Sachin swoops in like an eagle eager to get his worm and he picks it up. Then Sachin and the girl whose name I cannot remember were asked to kiss and he kissed the bouquet instead. It was fun watching the embarrassed look on their face.

STAGE RAGE

After mingling, Carter and Jones took the stage. People poured in to wish them even as they eating. Peter had some funny expressions on his face even when we went to wish the couple on stage. A friend from UAE wanted to wish them and Carter was on the phone while Peter was wishing him and Peter was standing there for a good 20 seconds holding his hand.

FOOD MOOD

I decide to give the meals a skip since we were planning on going to Hard Rock after the reception. Tahsu gave me a few bites from her plate and my whole resolve went to the bloody dogs and I returned with a plate full to the brim. Vee showed how much he loved the food by feeding some to his shirt and tie as well.

THE END

We had a blast. Fun wedding and it’s always more enjoyable when you know both sides. Love you two and have a happy married life. [Carter that means you are going to have to do all the adjusting].

A 'Ball' of a Time

2008-12-03T10:25:00.006+04:00

Dec 2nd, Dubai

Whether it's a cricket game at Safa Park or at the N.I.Model parking lot, Sheldon Serrao is simple boundaries ahead of the opposition and his teammates when it comes to batting. His classy innings helped PubliLink claim a 38 run victory against Pune XI.

In every respect, our approach to the game was superior to that of our opponents. After winning the toss I decided to have a bat first because we were a player short and I thought that would give us some time to get another guy in while the game started. Flinty [Ganesh] and Willy went into the middle and faced three tough overs from the opening bowlers who did not give an inch. Flinty departed playing down the wrong line and Ganesh joined Willy in the middle, but lost his leg stump on the second ball after shuffling across a little too much and Willy was caught at the extra cover boundary in the very next over.

That brought Shel and Dheraj at the crease and the two began to rebuild the innings. Nahid had just claimed the wicket of Willy and Shel dug out a first ball Yorker from him before sending the next ball straight over the bowlers head for a perfectly timed six. That broke the shackles and from there on it was a display of super batting. Shel bats like a combination on Dravid and Sehwag put together. He scores at the rate of Sehwag with the shots of Dravid. He epitomized the difference between the two teams - the bulk of his scoring came via boundaries and he rotated the strike effectively. He was batting with a view to lasting for 16 overs, and in the final analysis you could tell the difference between the two teams was his batting. Dheraj chanced his arm often and had the full nine lives of the cat as he kept teasing the fielders with lofted shots that fell tantalizing close to them. He lost his wicket to a yorker that castled his middle stump but by then a reasonable platform had been built. Vee and Shel seemed to be building a good partnership before a mix up between the two left Vee stranded in the middle of the pitch.

Naveen came in and from the word go he started upping the run rate with some well executed cover drives and straight drives that went past the ropes with a pendulum straight bat. Shel in the meantime suffering from backache used a runner but did the bulk of his scoring via hits to the fence. The two took the score past 120 and PubliLink for once felt in a safe zone. Naveen who was really looking good was run out trying to steal a two and that brought me in. Smashed the first ball for four and was out a couple a balls later caught behind trying to be too cheeky. Reghu hit a skier that the fielder made an absolute mess of and we got four runs for the error and was out bowled next ball. Tangles [Parvindar] the last man in and he started by belting the first ball he faced over long off for a six and the next one for a four at the same place in his unbeaten little cameo. Shel finished off with a single and was unbeaten on 80 odd runs that was the backbone of the innings.

I started the proceedings for our defence and had five wides in a first over that went for nine runs and my next over went for the same amount of runs this time also with five wides but with two dropped catches. Willy claimed a wicket in the next over with Flinty taking a good catch at Long On. Willy was exceptional with his bowling that was full of pace, swing and control. His slower ones could not be picked up by any of the batsmen and the batsmen never got off to a good start and were stifled from then on. Tangles was brought on first change and took a wicket with his first ball for a miserly over and Naveen was also bang on target with his first ball that got him a wicket. Tangles took a superb one handed catch at the cover boundary that seemed to be going over for a six and Naveen took another beauty of his own bowling, one that was skied up high. Tangles and Naveen bowled their quota on the trot and we had almost bowled the opposition out of the game by then. Tangles took some stick on his last over after Zaheer took him for fourteen runs of the first three balls, but I had that covered as I castled Zaheer the very next over, the first among my three wickets in the same fashion.

Our dominance at this stage was so total that all of us were able to burst out laughing after an attempt to take a catch by Reghu at the boundary that went for a four got nicknamed ‘Crocodile’ for the manner in which the attempt was made. Willy took two in his final over to end with three for seventeen off his four overs.

In the final analysis, the unrestrained splendor of Shel, the cameos from the lower order batsmen, coupled with the superior bowling skills that the four bowlers displayed proved decisive.

JONES WEDS CARTER

2008-11-23T14:22:00.001+04:00

Sharon WEDS Aaron

We arrived at the church half an hour early. Vee told us that Jones was standing outside and we caught a glance of her from behind standing there. We walked towards them and they disappeared towards the side of the church. Vee then introduced me to a couple and a young boy and I assumed those must be Jones parents and her brother. Before I could open my mouth as ask anything a decorated wedding car drives in and I see Jones in it.

They wait in the car and I thank God for preventing me from stuffing my foot into my mouth. As we waited and watched the bride to be, enjoying the ac conditions while we stood out in the heat, Carter’s car drives us and out steps the groom to be. He heads straight for the bride of the previous wedding and while we hoped there would be some drama, his father in law comes to the rescue and saves him from the blushes. Imagine grabbing someone else bride who just got married right before you just get married.

Mass started and we seated ourselves on the 8th row near the choir. Some very animated faces in the choir and some major seconds and thirds in the chorus kept us entertained. I forgot to mention that Jones looked absolutely stunning when she stepped out of the car. Smooth. The rest of the mass was uneventful save for Vee’s timely comments and some modern art at the altar. Seriously what were they thinking? And then at the big moment they lift up the veil and … thadang… we see Jones hair… anti gravity. I guess it did look stylish but for a conversationalist like me it was as though they had just blasted loud music in the car as they drove to church. As you can imagine there was 5 minutes of laughter at our bench and Peter [Shel] and Tashu joined in. But for all of that I must admit it did not look odd on Jones at all who was very poised throughout.

Rest of the mass was uneventful, they exchanged the rings on the right fingers, said the right names, Jones sang a hymn that was almost a whisper, the bridesmaids did their part is looking good, Carter looked interested in the wedding and no one knew of any impediments why these two shouldn’t have been married. Yeah so we stepped out and met Keav [Kevin] who was all cleaned up and we exchanged a few laughs outside the church. While the family photographs were being taken, Peter was standing with the rest of the family and making weird faces, much like Kaalia and his two cronies from Sholay in the scene where they play Russian roulette with the loaded gun. He wasn’t sure whether to smile or not, and if he did he wasn’t sure how much to. It was so funny that Vee and me held our stomachs and laughed for a good 10 minutes while he waited in agony for the photographer to end his misery.

Post stomach pains from the laughter we all hailed a rickshaw to go to the reception.

Communication Training Workshop

2008-11-12T08:46:00.004+04:00

click on the picture above to open the album.

Birthday Card - I am the client and the groups had to make a birthday card for me

Chinese Whisper - I am not present. And I am not even present that I an not present. And because I am not present that I am not present I am not even listening.

Movie Review - Fashion

2008-11-09T18:43:00.003+04:00

Fashion is a mix of Page 3 and Chandni Bar. The look is very Page 3 but the treatment is very Chandni Bar. Madhur Bhandarkar has done a good job with Fashion. The overall feel of the film is good and it leaves an impression on your mind. It could have been made better though. They could have woven a few more characters or shown the stories of the other characters as well as was the case with Page 3. Priyanka has done a decent job.

The Titles are well done[fonts and styles], Music is good without distracting you from the film. Considering the last few bad Hindi movies that have been thrown our way Fashion is a welcome break.

Atlantis Aquapark

2008-11-09T11:12:00.002+04:00

My dear roomies decided to treat me to a splash at the Atlantis Aquapark as my birthday gift. We set out at 12.30, arrived by 1 at the parking lot and took the shuttle from the parking lot to the entrance. The entry is AED 285, another 50 bucks per locker and after being separated from all that money we entered the place.

The rides were good. I did not try the leap of faith but my daring roomie Vee, did it thrice and I was content with the next best thing. You can laze about the place, take a tube and venture into the river and try out all the rides that it has to offer. The best thing according to me was the wave pool and I did that ride thrice. The last time all eight of us held each others tube and braved the turbulent sea and that took some effort.

Shel screamed like a girl most of the time as did Tashu who also made me take her piggy back just for kicks. I lost a few pounds I reckon with all the carrying and the splashing around. The prices are a little steep [even for the food available inside] but it was a fun day and we were really tired at the end of it. It’s a good exercise for you stomach as I realized the next day and you pick up a good tan as well [not that I need one]. If you can afford it go for it.

Thanks Vee, Thanks Tahsu

BanGalore

2008-11-06T11:43:00.000+04:00

Back from my trip to Bangalore. The place has its highs and lows. Roads are wide, lesser potholes than other places in India, malls are good, the Airport is classy [international standards] and the young crowd is very switched on.

The people love to fight, witnessed three fights in my short stay [Bang Galore – I think they take their name pretty seriously], the angry young man influence still remains, people love keeping the city clean so instead of pissing on the walls now I see people standing with backs to the wall and pissing onto the footpath. All joints shut by 11 pm [Ban Galore] so did not really get to see the nightlife because there isn’t one. Traffic is a real bitch and there is absolutely no sense of lane discipline or following the rules.

Rickshaw drivers should be kept in a museum because their thinking is ancient and they are a rare specimen. I stopped four rickshaws. The place I had to visit was 5 minutes away by rickshaw hence they did not take me aboard but they went that same way empty. [Now would it not make more sense to make some money going that same distance rather than go there without fare?] Weird! And the two guys who agreed to take me there requested double the fare and refused to keep the meter on. [And the whole point of having a meter is?]

The street book vendors know good English and have decent knowledge about books. That’s encouraging. They know authors, they know how old the books are and they know the classics. It’s always good to see that knowledge seep down to those sections of society. I was mighty impressed with the airport taxi drop. As soon as I called “just call” and procured the number of the Easy Cabs they called me with a few seconds asking if I had enquired about Easy Cabs. I booked my cab drop and within a minute I had the details on my cell sent by the company via SMS. After an hour I get a call from the driver who gives me his name and car number and tells me that he will be there at a particular time and arrives 15 minutes earlier. While the ride is pretty expensive I don’t mind it because they are professional about they way they approach work. Kudos Easy Cabs.